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Washington Capitals @ NY Rangers Game Four Preview- By Henrik Lundqvist

posted Apr 21, 2009, 4:44 PM by Steven Seagal
I take one day off from writing a preview and what happens? We get demolished by the Capitals. Maybe if Rozsival and Redden would stop fucking around, I could have seen the puck once in a fucking while. But hey, hockey is a team sport so I won't blame the rest of the team for blowing every opportunity to score on a 14 year old russkie goalie who just learned to ice skate two weeks ago. I gave up the 4 goals. Sure, I should have stopped them. Sure, I should have made up for those goals by lighting a fire under Niko Zherdev's ass or slapping some fucking sense into Avery but what's done is done.

Let's just look to the future. A future without dumb fucking russkies who start jerking their pickled cocks while watching us practice. What the hell were you thinking Alex? Maybe it's normal in Russia to just show up and flog your dolphin at an opposing team's practice but everywhere else in the world, that shit don't fly. And then to joke that maybe we're afraid of you, as if that's the reason why we kicked you out. Yeah sure, we're afraid of you and your Chernobyled cock.
Speaking of Chernobyl, here's a picture of you, some tool in bucket hat and two disease ridden whores.
Jesus fucking Christ, you look like- well, you look like a nuclear powerplant disaster. I think my sperm mutated beyond repair just by looking at you. Nice touch on the strategically ripped jeans too. In Soviet Russia, having mangled clothing must be all the rage. That and being a flipper baby. Too bad you couldn't have ripped jeans and flippers for arms. C'est La Vie, Douchebag.
                                                                                                                                                                    -Henrik Lundqvist