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The Rangers Suck. A lot.

posted Feb 17, 2009, 11:01 AM by Steven Seagal   [ updated Feb 18, 2009, 5:39 AM ]
Yes it's true. But can it get any worse? Let's look at the Rangers' stats since the All Star break.

3-7-2 That's the Rangers' record since the all star break. They've amassed a grand total of 8 points over 12 games. They've been shutout twice. The Rangers haven't scored more than 2 goals in all but one game in which they scored 5 goals against Washington, giving up 4 in the process. Oh, They needed a shootout to decide that contest too. They lost in overtime 2 times, an area where they were unusually dominant earlier in the season.  Dallas scored 10 times against the Rangers on February 6th, a loss sandwiched by two very uninspired games (both losses) to the Atlanta Thrashers (on Adam Graves night, no less) and to the NJ Devils (shut out by Clemmensen, of course). It's been a lot of fun watching this team since then.

15-38 That's the goals for- goals against deficit for the Rangers over that stretch. 1.25 goals for average versus a 3.17 goals against average over 12 games. The Rangers players as a whole have plus/minus rating -136. That is a NEGATIVE 136. Only Nikolai Zherdev has a positive rating. He has a +1. Callahan, Staal and Anisimov have a zero rating. Anisimov doesn't count though since he came up for 12 minutes and was immediately sent down to Hartford. If I'm going to ignore Anisimov, it only seems fair that I ignore Patrick Rissmiller and Corey Potter too. That leaves the Rangers with a gaudy plus/ minus rating of -133.

2.28 That's the Rangers goals for average FOR THE SEASON. They are ranked at a solid 30 among all teams in the NHL. (Note: there are only 30 teams in the NHL). The Islanders are 29th and they are in line to get John Taveres at no. 1 in the draft. The Rangers will get no such John Taveres. At least if they're going to suck, give the fans something to look forward to instead of watching Wade Redden light hundred dollar bills on fire. All I can say is at least they are in the top ten for goals against average. That's a bad thing by the way. It's called sarcasm, you stupid fucking bastard. Oh, and the Rangers are 27th in the league when it comes to the power play. They lead the league in short handed goals against with 14. Great.

Just looking at these stats has literally given me a headache. I'm serious. I feel sick after reading this over. I apologize to anyone who has read this. I hope you saw that there was another hockey post and quickly panned it to read about the chimpanzee that MAULED a woman's face, was stabbed a few times before being shot a few times, subsequently ending the chimp's illustrious career as the coolest chimp in the history of chimps. I mean, look at chimps in history. We had Dunston, from "Dunston Checks In" which sucked. Those chimps in the TNT clips where they remake famous movies were pretty cool. Of course the entire Planet of the Apes franchise is high up there. Well except for those gay apes (Gaypes? Gapes? Faganzees? Chimpanfags?) that kept trying to befriend the filthy humans. Yeah, it's safe to say it's settled. This chimp who destroyed the woman's face is the best chimp in history.... And that's why Tom Renney  needs to get fired if the Rangers lose to the lowly Islanders on Wednesday.