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The Rangers are EXACTLY like Diana!

posted Dec 18, 2008, 6:54 AM by Steven Seagal   [ updated Feb 15, 2009, 12:32 PM ]
Wait, do the Rangers realize that regulation consists of three periods at 20 minutes a piece?  Out of 35 games play so far, an astonishing 12 of those have been settled in overtime. I would say I fucking hate it but the Rangers are 10-2 after regulation time expires. One of those losses was against Detroit and it ended after 0.007 seconds in overtime. The other loss was against Edmonton which apparently ended in a shootout. I have no recollection of this game so for all intents and purposes, it never happened. The same goes for everything before 1983. World War II? A myth. Disco? A fable. Roe v. Wade? Old wives' tale. Now back to the Rangers, What does the preponderance in overtime games mean? It means that I'm highly confident going into overtime for one. But it could also mean that the Rangers lack play makers. They can't make things happen in regulation. Sure, Zherdev is an ice god, but he can't do everything.They have the talent. They just can't fucking score. They currently rank 25th in Goals For Average. The Rangers suck on the powerplay too, ranking 21st in powerplay percentage (14.9%). Ramon Hernandez Put Down the Gun wishes that, like the NFL, NHL coaches can decline penalties because the Rangers have given up a league leading 10 shorthanded goals. That's just sickening.  What's the solution? Maybe the Rangers should sign Ramon Hernandez Put Down the Gun because honestly, we score all the time. Granted that's with chicks, ahem, HOT chicks, but I bet we can make it work on the ice. Why not think outside the box and sign two dudes who spend so much time inside the box. Or they could just sign Mats Sundin. I mean why not  go with this option? The Penguins, Flyers and Devils are limp wristedly dancing their way up in the standings. The Rangers might as well make a move. Then again, they could stick with this cast of characters because regardless of what they do, Renney is going to change the lineups every 5.3 seconds. I don't know. The next game is against the red hot San Jose Sharks. Hopefully the Rangers can hold on long enough to make it into overtime.