News‎ > ‎NHL‎ > ‎

NY Rangers @ Washington Capitals Game 1 Preview by Henrik Lundqvist

posted Apr 15, 2009, 3:31 PM by Steven Seagal   [ updated Apr 15, 2009, 3:37 PM ]

Dear Alexander Ovechkin,

If you want to keep the remaining teeth that are still in your face, you'll hand over my woman immediately. I paid for her services fair and square. She got in my van in exchange for that pack of starbursts. What did you give her? Probably some fucking rancid potatoes from the Soviet Ukraine or wherever the fuck your whore mother shat you out of her diseased vagina. You can have her when Im finished with her. She'll be in a compost heap behind the Garden. As for later tonight, I hope Marc Staal knocks that stupid smile off your stupid face. Your high flying offense is going to be SHUT THE FUCK DOWN! The last time the Rangers faced the Caps in the playoffs was in the Sping of 94. You know what happened then? I had sex with 8 strippers in a Swedish strip club champagne room and then murdered the bouncer when he tried to give me a high five. I bet you were giving head to a goat or some shit in an animal husbandry class. Oh and in that eventful Spring the Rangers beats the Caps and went on to win the Stanley motherfuckin Cup. Good luck tonight, fuck face. I hope your legs get sawed off by the Russian mafia.

                                                                                                                                                                            -Henrik Lundqvist