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Florida: Hockey Capital of the USA under attack.

posted Nov 28, 2008, 9:57 AM by Steven Seagal   [ updated Feb 15, 2009, 12:50 PM ]

When I think of the great state of Florida the first thing that comes to mind is the rich tradition of ice hockey. Florida is the closest link we Americans have to our northern neighbors. This may come as a shock to most people, geographically and meteorologically speaking, but it's true. My third grade teacher, Ms. Murphy, had always affectionately referred to Florida as "our own cute little Canada". This is because the slow speaking Floridians are hockey nuts.  Much like the Canadian youth, young Floridians learn to ice skate before they learn to walk. The state supports not one, but TWO hockey teams in the NHL. If Gary Bettman, God bless his soul, had his way, every team in the Southeast division would be located in Florida. I'm 100% sure that Florida has at least 678 minor league hockey teams as well. I won't even bother doing the research. That figure MUST be right.
You may be asking where I am going with this? Well the good hockey loving people in Florida have been going through a rough patch this season. They keep losing to the New York Rangers. The Rangers have already systematically dismantled the Lightning. The Panthers are next. But how could a team with no hockey history, no spiritual connection to the sport, no visceral reaction to the sport beat two of the greatest teams ever assembled in one of, if not THE, best hockey crazed states in the union? I guess it's because the Rangers have a better goalie, a better coach, a quicker team, a deeper bench, etc. but that's besides the point. Whether your team is Tampa Bay Lightning or the Florida Panthers, these are dark days for Florida Hockey fans and fans of the sport in general. It's time Florida for you to step up and reclaim your dominance over the hockey landscape.
Tonight, the Rangers, fresh off a Thanksgiving eve shoot out win to sweep the Lightning for the season, come to wherever the fuck the Panthers "play" hockey for what will be an intense matchup. The game starts at 7:30. I'll be drinking heavily. I suggest you do the same. You're going to need a lot of booze and/or drugs to watch Florida's rich hockey history get stomped on by those fair weather fans from the north.

The Rangers netminder, Henrik Lundquist, is 6-2, against the Panthers with 3 shutouts. Nathan Horton, arguably the best player on Florida, is out after being stomped on by a member of the New Jersey Devils. Even New Jersey has no respect for Florida. I have lived too long.

(Note: The Rangers will surely lose because I posted this message.)