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Dallas Stars Owner, Tom Hicks, Reacts to Sean Avery Signing with NY Rangers AHL Affiliate

posted Feb 11, 2009, 6:32 AM by Steven Seagal   [ updated Feb 15, 2009, 11:35 AM ]
The Rangers appear to be moving one step closer to reacquiring Sean Avery with his assignment to Rangers AHL affiliate, the Hartford Wolfpack. Dallas Stars owner, Tom Hicks, addressed the media in Surprise, AZ, where his other team the Texas Rangers will begin Spring training.
Hicks went on to say,
 "Over the years we have made terrible decisions in our free agent signings. I won't go into gory detail but the one that comes to mind involved the Texas Rangers specifically, at around $252M dollars over 10 years, but since then we vowed to sign only those players of solid character. We were forced to eat a chunk of that albatross contract by a certain AL East team, and again, I'm not going to give out any names, but that player ended up screwing over the Yank, I mean that AL East team during a pivotal playoff game in 2007. Now once again, but this time with the Dallas Stars, we signed a player of questionable character and a certain New York Hockey team will probably force us to take on the bulk of the cash in Sean's contract. Like my father always said, get me to sign you, a megalomaniacal athlete to a lucrative contract in which you'll create tension among the team and staff members, ruin the team salary finances, and bury the franchise, shame on you. Get me to sign you, a megalomaniacal athlete to a lucrative contract in which you'll create tension among the team and staff members, ruin the team salary finances, and bury the franchise, shame on me."

In related news, I have issued  the following open letter  to the NY Post.

Dear NY Post,
I see that you have accurately predicted that the NY Rangers would reacquire Sean Avery. The first steps in this transaction have been taken. You have proven me wrong. Much like the time I was nearly killed in the documentary titled 'Hard To Kill', I sought refuge by going into a self induced ninja training, robot destroying, ponytail growing coma, only to return for bloody vengeance. I also got to nail that British chick from the PBS special 'Weird Science". You win this round, horrible NY newspaper that no one buys unless AM New York, The Metro, The Daily News News, the Village Voice, the Gotham Gazette, the Daily Planet AND The Villager are all off the shelves.
                                                                  Sincerely,
                                                                     Sensei Steven Seagal


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