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The Brett Favre Silver Lining

posted Jan 23, 2010, 2:15 AM by Steven Seagal   [ updated Mar 7, 2010, 4:27 PM ]
It is no secret that this website has been historically unkind to Brett Favre.  Oopha, not so sure about that one now, huh?  As I wipe the egg off of my face, I'd like to make it clear that I still hate Brett Favre - and what I am about to say does not change that:  despite all of the infuriating fawning media attention on the ol' Wrangler's "cinderella" playoff run, I have been able to garner some pleasure from the undeniably successful season Favre has put together in a Vikings uniform.  It dawned on me the other day.  You probably see where I'm going with this.
Aside from the Packers, not much is going on in Green Bay.  I'm not going to pretend to know what they're doing outside of football season, but I imagine it involves cheese.  And hoping Favre will retire and end their protracted misery caused by watching him play in a different uniform.  I imagine it's like hoping your ex girlfriend will die so you don't have to see her with another guy; something we can all relate to.  For Packers fans, its especially devastating because, well, look at this career (courtesy of wikipedia)

Favre is the only player to win the AP Most Valuable Player three consecutive times (1995–97).[4] He led the Packers to seven division championships (1995, 1996, 1997, 2002, 2003, 2004, and 2007), four NFC Championship Games (1995, 1996, 1997, and 2007), winning two (1996 and 1997), and two Super Bowl appearances, winning one (Super Bowl XXXI).

So, to continue the ex girlfriend metaphor and completely alienate any female fanbase who might have mistakenly wandered onto this site searching for pictures of Brett Favre with his shirt off, Brett Favre is like the ex girlfriend who gave great head all the time, and even let you try to put it in her ass back in '96 and '97.  Once successfully ('97).

I thought I'd throw the ladies a bone and insert a picture of Brett Favre with no shirt on in this location, but to Favre's credit it appears virtually impossible to find a such a picture online.  I came up empty, and now I might have to explain why I was G-image searching for "shirtless brett favre" at work.  This is the best I got.  Enjoy, ladies.

Retiring and signing with the Jets was one thing.  That was like seeing the ex in the supermarket with another guy you never met.  It stung a bit, but listen, you have a new girlfriend now, and although she's a bit sloppy at times, she definitely shows promise and committment to the cause.  She doesn't quite open her throat yet, but she's trying.  Unfortunately, you haven't had a thought to even mention anal to her, yet.
Things were going okay with your new girlfriend, and you heard the whole thing with the supermarket guy was on the rocks.  You were smiling.  Then, you open a door to the men's room in your favorite bar, and there she is... going down on the guy who used to kick the shit out of you in high school all the time.  He's wearing a red flannel shirt, and she's doing a great job.  And you can tell he's gearing up to try to put it in her ass.  And she just might let him.
The Brett Favre Silver Lining is that - although I have to listen to Joe Buck gargle on Favre's ballsack all the time - I also get to revel in the heartbreak of a rabid fanbase, which is one of my favorite pasttimes.  Think about it.  Brett Favre has a street named after him in Green Bay.  He is (he was) a god.  How many backwoods Wisconsin cheese farmers do you think there are out there who named their kid Brett because of Brett Favre?  I bet they beat that kid all the time now that Favre committed the ultimate betrayal in signing with and leading the Vikings deep into the playoffs.  I bet every Brett Favre completion garners at least one black eye in Wisconsin.  This brings a smile to my face.  If the Vikings do end up putting it in Favre's ass, I bet the intersection of Brett Favre Pass and Holmgren Way becomes infamous as the site of the bloodiest infanticide in history.  Thousands of cheese farmer Bretts will be destroyed.  I'm not gonna lie, that makes me want to root for the Vikings just a little bit.

How many battered wives and children do you think there are on Brett Favre Pass?  Every one of them makes up a little piece of the Brett Favre Silver Lining.