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NY Giants Place Franchise Tag on Jacobs, All Hell Breaks Loose.

posted Feb 14, 2009, 10:32 AM by Steven Seagal   [ updated Feb 15, 2009, 11:42 AM ]
It appears that Jerry Reese has incurred the wrath of the Creator Of The Universe by throwing a franchise tag on Him. Brandon Jacobs will now earn a guaranteed $6.6M next year and as is quite evident from the globe being shrouded in darkness, He is not happy. Reese tried to explain that this move was simply made because the Creator and the Giants have yet to reach an agreement on a new contract. His excellency was to become a free agent on February 27th, an undesirable transition that would, as promised by our Majesty, set off a chain of wildly catastrophic natural disasters, reminiscent of the time The Creator stubbed His toe on a stegosaurus tail and wiped the monstrous reptilian beasts off the face of His Earth forever. Jerry Reese was well aware of the repercussions for the franchising of Brandon Jacobs and was willing to live with the consequences. So far, the "Creator Franchising", as it is being called among fearful religious authorities, has created massive electrical storms to ravage every nation, throwing human beings everywhere in a state of mass panic. Pope Benedict XVI has already asked The Destroyer Of Worlds to intervene and mediate the already immensely dangerous situation between the Creator and the Giants. The Pope's wishes were met with all of Vatican City being swarmed with millions of giant prehistoric vampire bats, a move expected by anyone who dares worship at the altar of Justin Tuck. Jerry Reese, at the behest of a Creator-induced Ebola stricken President Barack Obama, is set to offer Jacobs a 2 month $787.2M contract. When asked where he would amount such an otherworldly sum of money, a hemmoraging Obama, said "Don't worry about it, I already got the money from Congress".