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NFC Playoff Scenario

posted Dec 28, 2008, 6:17 AM by Steven Seagal   [ updated Feb 15, 2009, 12:24 PM ]

Alright I said that if I was sober enough I would put up an NFC playoff scenario post. Well I'm not exactly sober but what the hell, I'll do it anyway. The New York Football Giants of New York in America USA are in with home field advantage and a first round bye, motherfuckers. The Cardinals and their soon to be stellar 8-8 record clinched the NFC west. Clinching the NFC west this year is like not shitting your pants all throughout high school. It was almost too easy. College on the other hand. Well that's a whole other beast. Carolina is in and could possibly get a bye if they win or the Dirty Birds lose. The Falcons are also in and could steal the bye from the Panthers with a win and a Panthers loss. Now I'll move onto Tampa Bay, Dallas, Philadelphia, Minnesota and Chicago. These teams will be suiting up all their starters so we're in for some good games today. It's not as complicated as the AFC playoff scenario but it will still be fun to wish death upon the Cowboys.

The Bucs will make the playoffs if the following occurs:
          The Bucs beat Oakland AND Dallas loss/tie at Philadelphia
           OR
          The Bucs tie AND Dallas loss AND either Minnesota or Chicago loss
           OR
          The Bucs tie AND Dallas tie AND either Minnesota or Chicago tie AND either 
          Minnesota or Chicago loss
The Bucs are eliminated from playoff contention with a loss AND a Dallas win.

The Vikings will make the playoffs if the following occurs:
          The Vikings beat the Giants
            OR
          Chicago loses to Houston
            OR 
          The Vikings tie AND Chicago tie.
            OR
          The Vikings tie AND Dallas loses to Philadelphia AND Tampa Bay loses to
          Oakland  AND Chicago wins.

The Cowboys will make the playoffs if the following occurs:
          The Cowboys beat Philadelphia AND Atlanta wins or ties
            OR
          The Cowboys tie AND Tampa Bay loses AND either Minnesota loses/ties or
          Chicago loses/ties
            OR
          The Cowboys tie AND Tampa Bay tie AND either Chicago loses or Minnesota loses
          to NY Giants.
The Cowboys are eliminated from playoff contention with a loss

The Bears will make the playoffs if the following occurs:
          The Bears beat Houston AND Minnesota loses/ties the Giants,
            OR
          The Bears tie Houston AND Minnesota loses against the Giants.
            OR
          The Bears win AND Tampa Bay loses/ties to Oakland AND Dallas loses/ties to
          Philadelphia.
            OR
          The Bears tie AND Tampa Bay loses AND Dallas loses.

The Eagles will make the playoffs if the following occurs:
          The Eagles beat Dallas AND Tampa Bay loses to Oakland AND either Minnesota
          loses to NY Giants or Chicago loses at Houston.
The Eagles need a shitload of things to happen for them to sneak into the playoffs.

Well, That settles everything. Now I'll tell you what you want to happen today. You want Dallas to suffer a bone crushing, soul shattering, mother-being-abducted-and-held-for-ransom defeat today. Nothing will give me, err I mean YOU, more satisfaction than to see Tony, Terrell and company go home early. You'd also like to see Terrell Owens cry again. That was a lot of fun. Now as for Tampon Bay, you want them to win. They will win because they are playing the Raiders and also you will get some satisfaction out of Ronde Barber going into the playoffs while his brother sobs uncontrollably in the NBC studios. Since it is utter blasphemy to wish defeat upon Los Gigantes, you want the Bears to win and the Vikings to be crushed by the Giants practice squad. That pretty much wraps it up for the playoffs. You have to root for the Eagles, Bears and Tampon Bay. This is the last week of the National Football League's season. Be like Brett and just have fun out there today.
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