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Fly Again, Eagles - There Is No Heart in the NFC

posted Dec 29, 2008, 4:27 AM by Steven Seagal   [ updated Feb 15, 2009, 12:21 PM ]
After the incomprehensible losses by both the Bears and the Bucs and the Eagles dismantling of the Cowgirls this Sunday, the Eagles will face the Vikings in Minnesota on wild card weekend.  We'll get to the likely division matchup between the Eagles and the Giants two weeks from now, but first I'd like to comment on the disgusting lack of heart shown by so many NFC teams this week.
  1. Cowboys:  No shock here, really - everyone knows this team has no heart.  When a powder puff like Tony Romo is in a position requiring any sort of spine, you've set yourself up for failure.  Is there now any doubt, as my other personality mentioned weeks ago, that Romo is the NFL equivelent of A-rod?  The only difference I can point out is that maybe Romo isn't as talented.  A-rod will break records, Romo will likely only break the hearts of Cowboys fans who continue to place any hope in him.  The comparison is perfect in that they're both incredible choke artists with spine a jellyfish wouldn't envy.
  2. Tampa Bay Bucs:  I don't know how good this team is, since I haven't had much of an opportunity to watch them - but I do know one thing, if you're in a "win and in" situation against the fucking Oakland Raiders and you can' t muster a victory, you have absolutely no heart.  I can't figure it out, either, since I consider Garcia a gamer who would play up to the challenge, but maybe I should look to a defense that surrendered 31 points to the Oakland Raiders as the culprit.  Either way, how do you not win this game and keep the Eagles out of the playoffs?  I was more angry about this earlier, but I've since calmed down - again, we'll get to that.
  3. Chicago Bears: We all know they don't have a quarterback, and it's becoming increasingly obvious that their defense is nothing more than mundane these days.  They were just unable to contain Andre Johnson.  This isn't to say that I expected them to blow the Texans away this week, but rather that I expected them to rally to become more than the sum of their parts in hopes to win a playoff spot (which Minnesota's victory denied them, anyway, but not until literally the last second.)
  4. Minnesota Vikings:  I do not have enough confidence in David Carr to say that the Giants should have won this game.  Carr led the Giants to their only touchdown of the game in the second half and another FG to make it a 2 possession game in the 4th quarter against the Giants practice squad.  The Vikings must've had a ton of confidence in the Texans, because they sure played like they didn't need to win this game.  With Jacobs out for the entire game, Ward out once he surpassed 1,000 yards, and Eli out for the second half, the Vikings needed a last second, 50 Yd field goal to win the game by 1 point.
I was under the impression that teams buckled down in must win games and played with an intensity that you rarely see.  The Eagles defense played that way on Sunday:  I think they scored 27 points or something directly off of turnovers.  I'm not going to look up the stat because I'm too lazy, but it was a lot.  The rest of these teams looked like they were playing out the season.  Fuck, I saw more heart from the Lions in a desperate, but futile, attempt to avoid 0-16.
Anyway, well before the Eagles actually won - about halfway through the game, I'd say - I began to think about the playoff matchup implications for the Giants.  The Eagles' 6th seed means that if they win on wildcard weekend against the (see above) heartless Vikings, regardless of the outcome of Falcons vs Cardinals (the other NFC wildcard matchup), the G-men will face the Eagles in the Divisional Playoffs.  My first reaction was to say "Shit, be careful what you wish for, I'd rather face this Cowboys team with Romo obviously completely lost than a surging Eagles team."  And I still feel that way.  And my gut says I should not want to face a division rival in the playoffs, because weird shit always seems to happen in those games.  But then I remembered some things.  The Eagles are a small defense.  Jacobs will be playing after having 2 weeks to rest his knee.  He's not a guy I'm worried about the time off; rather, I'm happy about his rest.  The Giants are going to be in good position to wreak havoc on the small defense in the first half and then have Ward pick up chunks of yardage in the 2nd against a beat up D the way they love to do.  They can play the game plan the way they're built to play it.  It's a pretty good matchup for the Giants.  Dawkins is going to get run over by Jacobs at least once in this game.  He'll think he's been fucked by a train.  The bottom line is this:  I have a ton of confidence in my team, and I think that one of the two Falcons or Cards will be lost in the Meadowlands against this Giants defense, but I'm not afraid of the Eagles, either.  I think this team can beat any one - and that's a feeling I'm not used to.  That's why I hope the Eagles beat the Vikings, so I'll be an Eagles fan for another week.  It would be a shame for anyone else to ruin Dr. Foxyrotten's life, and I will consider it small retribution for the Phillies.  Fly, Eagles, Fly, on the road to annihilation at the hands of the murderous Giants.