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Exclusive: Plaxico Burress Drove With Broken Tail Light

posted Jan 14, 2009, 7:02 AM by Steven Seagal   [ updated Feb 15, 2009, 12:05 PM ]
As reports continue to surface about Burress' criminal history, a new lead obtained exclusively by Ramon Hernandez Put Down The Gun is poised to rock the sports world to its very core.  In late November, Plaxico shot himself in the thigh and was suspended for the remainder of the season.  All evidence at this time seems to indicate that he will do some jail time associated with the incident.  But that was just the tip of the iceberg.  In December he was sued for an automobile accident in which he allegedly rear-ended a woman in Broward County, Florida.  His next incident involves an agreement to "borrow" a 2004 Chevy Avalanche from a dealer in Pennsylvania in exchange for publicity for the dealership.  Burress never lived up to his end of the bargain, got the car impounded, and he is now being sued.
Most astonishingly of all, perhaps, Ramon Hernandez Put Down The Gun has learned that Burress drove an unrelated Mercedes-Benz automobile with a broken tail light on the streets of New York, and possibly other states as well, for as long as one week.  Instead of doing the responsible thing like any decent, law abiding citizen would have done - parking the vehicle until the tail light was able to be repaired - the brazen wide receiver continued to drive the vehicle.  Somehow, most likely by threats of violence upon good citizens likely to complain, and possibly upon law enforcement officials themselves, Burress was able to evade capture for the duration of the week-long flouting of the laws of this great nation.  If the act itself wasn't unnerving enough, Ramon Hernandez Put Down The Gun reached Burress for comment on the incident, at which time he said "Man, what the fuck are you talking about?  You don't think I've got enough problems on my hands right now than to worry about some stupid bullshit busted tail light?" before hanging up the phone.
"Some stupid bullshit busted tail light..."  These are the words of a truly lawless man with no regard for public policy or vehicular traffic laws.  Shame on you, Plaxico Burress.

Burress attempts to dodge questions regarding the Tail Light Incident in the media frenzy that ensued after Ramon Hernandez Put Down The Gun broke the story.