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Donte Stallworth Gets 30 days in the Clink

posted Jun 17, 2009, 6:43 AM by Steven Seagal

A few months ago, Cleveland Browns WR Donte Stallworth got himself rip roaring drunk and decided to drive his tank-like Bentley back home. While racing like bastard to his pimped out palace, Stallworth apparently saw a Mexican in the road and ever the nice guy, Stallworth alerted the Mexican that if he didn't get out of his way, the Stallworth Bentley from Hell was going to put an end to the Mexican. Stallworth's warning to the Mexican was a simple yet unfortunately ineffective flashing of the headlights. You must already know what happened next. El Smacko. Donte Stallworth intended to go home but killed a Mexican instead. Why Stallworth didn't lean on the horn when he saw the Mexican is something the world will never know. Maybe the horn played La Cucaracha and Stallworth's intention was to get the Mexican out of the street and not make him dance. Maybe Stallworth just hates Mexicans.

Regardless, you must be asking yourself, why is there a post about something that happened months ago? Well, today Donte Stallworth received his sentencing for killing a Mexican. Stallworth must serve 30 days in prison. He killed a man while blitzed drunk and he gets 30 days in the clink.
For those of you keeping count, Michael Vick received 23 months in jail for killing dogs. He also introduced the world to the term "Rape Stand" but he didn't kill a Mexican. He might have been drunk too but he didn't kill a Mexican.

The lesson here is that if you want to commit murder then you should probably kill a Mexican. If you get caught, you'll go to prison but with the right alibi and functioning headlights, you'll only spend 30 days there. Don't kill dogs though, no matter what. Don't kill them ever, even if they lose you money.