A few months ago, Cleveland Browns WR Donte Stallworth got himself rip
roaring drunk and decided to drive his tank-like Bentley back home.
While racing like bastard to his pimped out palace, Stallworth
apparently saw a Mexican in the road and ever the nice guy, Stallworth
alerted the Mexican that if he didn't get out of his way, the
Stallworth Bentley from Hell was going to put an end to the Mexican.
Stallworth's warning to the Mexican was a simple yet unfortunately
ineffective flashing of the headlights. You must already know what
happened next. El Smacko. Donte Stallworth intended to go home but
killed a Mexican instead. Why Stallworth didn't lean on the horn when
he saw the Mexican is something the world will never know. Maybe the
horn played La Cucaracha and Stallworth's intention was to get the
Mexican out of the street and not make him dance. Maybe Stallworth just
Regardless, you must be asking
yourself, why is there a post about something that happened months ago?
Well, today Donte Stallworth received his sentencing for killing a
Mexican. Stallworth must serve 30 days in prison. He killed a man while
blitzed drunk and he gets 30 days in the clink.
For those of you
keeping count, Michael Vick received 23 months in jail for killing
dogs. He also introduced the world to the term "Rape Stand" but he
didn't kill a Mexican. He might have been drunk too but he didn't kill
The lesson here is that if you want to commit murder then you should probably kill a Mexican. If you get caught, you'll go to prison but with the right alibi and functioning headlights, you'll only spend 30 days there. Don't kill dogs though, no matter what. Don't kill them ever, even if they lose you money.