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Dog Bites Man; Scumbag Plays For Eagles

posted Jul 18, 2009, 9:46 AM by Steven Seagal
Eagles cornerback Jack Ikegwuonu escaped responsibility for his actions on Friday when he was acquitted of charges that he allegedly broke into an off-campus Northern Illinois apartment to steal an X-box in 2006.  Ikegwuono and his twin brother Bill, who was acquitted of the same charges earlier this year, argued that they were indeed at the scene and inside the apartment in question, but were there unintentionally, as they were looking for a party to which they had been invited.  The apartment residents testified that there was no party at the apartment, and that they have not invited the Ikeguono brothers anywhere.  Ikegwuonu's defense attorney argued that the brothers had only picked up the Xbox for "ten seconds," presumably to see if the party in question was perhaps located inside the Xbox.  His comments are worthy of quoting:  "I think it boiled down to this: Even with the state's best evidence, the best they could argue was that Jack picked up the Xbox for 10 seconds and then put it down," Gruber said.

Clearly, Gruber, your client was just the victim of a simple misunderstanding in which he broke into an apartment and was caught by the residents of that apartment holding their Xbox.  It could've happened to anyone.  Anyway, the best part of this is that it's obvious from all reports that nobody - including their defense attorney, who doesn't even feel the need to pretend to believe his clients' innocence - really considers the possibility that the Ikegwuonos were innocent, only that there wasn't enough evidence to convict them.

In any event, one thing is clear.  Ikegwuonu will fit right in in Philly where decent human beings make up an infinitesimal portion of the populace, and have zero representation on any of their professional sports teams.  Chemistry is important, and Philly knows this.  Meanwhile, lock up your Xboxes, fellas.