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Detroit Lions DE Capsized Boat, Own Death Now Reported To Be Performance Art

posted Mar 2, 2009, 11:41 AM by Steven Seagal
The mystery of the missing Detroit Lions DE Corey Smith took on a strange turn which is baffling authorities to no end. It was widely reported that Smith and Oakland Raiders LB Marquis Cooper were simply fishing when their trip turned tragic with a missing party and now, recently reported, the discovery of the overturned boat belonging to one member of the fishing party. As if the news couldn't be any more heartbreaking, Corey Smith's wife, Anita, discovered a note from her missing, and as most presume, now deceased husband. The letter itself is being analyzed by investigative authorities but according to a press release, Smith had planned to overturn the boat, murdering himself and everyone on board as a piece of performance art. Anita Smith mentioned that her husband was acting very strangely during the course of the Lions' 0-16 season, acting out not in a violent manner, but through art.  Smith had locked himself in his garage after every game and worked for hours, often as Anita says , "screaming, crying and smashing things. I think I heard Elliot Smith and the Cure playing a few times too". This final piece, Anita said, "seems to be a culmination of the past year for him. He took football so seriously. He just killed himself and everyone around him." Police have retained all of Smith's "artwork" for analysis. Detroit Police Chief Harry Tasker stated that some of the items in Smith's garage include "A stuffed Lion covered in what many hope is simply corn syrup dyed red, countless notebooks with the record '0-16' crossed out, and a very lifelike effigy of who we assume is Matt Millen with 137 stab wounds in it". Former GM and architect of the Lions team for the past season couldn't be reached for comment because he was too busy wiping his ass with hundred dollar bills.
The above picture shows Corey Smith's final work, which according to many art afficionados looks "a hell of lot like the Lions franchise".