Favre is the only player to win the AP Most Valuable Player three consecutive times (1995–97).^[4] He led the Packers to seven division championships (1995, 1996, 1997, 2002, 2003, 2004, and 2007), four NFC Championship Games (1995, 1996, 1997, and 2007), winning two (1996 and 1997), and two Super Bowl appearances, winning one (Super Bowl XXXI).

He holds many NFL records including: most career touchdown passes, most career passing yards, most career pass completions, most career pass attempts, most career interceptions thrown, most consecutive starts, and most career victories as a starting quarterback.^[5][6]

 

 

Like almost every adult male in the country, I've recently become a very big Bernard Pollard fan:

I know Belichek wants to blame Reliant Field; and, yes, Pollard didn't really directly cause Welker's injury.  But he definitely had a hand in it.  I did some research in an attempt to discover Pollard's extraordinary ability to wreak havoc on the Patriots, and I've discovered that he has a superhuman ability to cause a POWER OUTAGE in opposing players.  Just ask Tom Brady and Wes Welker.  If you don't believe me, see for yourself.

 

"You know, Adrian Peterson... I don't know how to sum this guy up, other than - He is a genetic freak.  You could light a match on his chest.  This guy is 220 pounds of chiseled strength.  And the thing that makes him rare, is he is a punishing beast between the tackles.  He can run you over and he has unbelievable elusiveness and great acceleration, Ron.  You just saw it right there."  - Jon Gruden, Monday 8/31

Alright, so you've probably noticed that we've been rather preoccupied lately.  If I respected you at all, I'd consider explaining myself, but we all know that I don't.  Plaxico has been sentenced to 2 years for abandoning the Giants at the start of their stretch run, Favre has broken the heart of every remaining poor washed up papa's boy cheesehead by signing with their archrivals, and the Philadelphia Fuckheads signed another black quarterback.  Most importantly of all, the boy wonder signed a record breaking deal to lead our brave men into the promised land for the next 6 consecutive years.  This website doesn't make a lot of predictions, but we feel fairly comfortable declaring the Giants superbowl champions for the duration of that contract.  We will re-evaluate our NFL predictions for a new column in 2015, but it doesn't seem like it makes much sense to offer a column until then, since it's already all but determined.

In any event, it is less than 1 month until the Giants begin their 6 year reign of terror and I couldn't be more excited.  In order to give better rationalize my raging alcoholism by excusing my already heavy drinking habits on Sundays with "well, I'm watching 10 football games, I have to drink 10 times as much as if I were just watching 1" as well as to give better coverage to this website, we will be ordering the NFL Sunday Ticket this year.  I want to stress that this has nothing to do with Dennis Leary, and everything to do with football and booze.  Why does DirectTV even feel the need to advertise this service?  It pretty much sells itself.  Pocket Dennis Leary's endorsement contract and offer this Holy Grail of Football for 10 bucks less for all subscribers.

Anyway, we're slowly breaking out of our August Sabbatical and will probably begin posting stories more frequently.  You can get off the ledge and check this site every couple of hours again, Dr. Foxyrotten.  In the meantime, take a look at the NFC East and email me if you don't have a boner.  I'll block your access to this site and get you on an FBI watch list, because you're surely a terrorist.  Talk to you soon, jerks.

Before undertaking research to publish this post, Ramon Hernandez Put Down The Gun was certain that he was innocent of not only raping the money hungry tramp, err we mean casino hostess, but Ben was probably innocent of even thinking about raping the cash starved greed whore. The woman in question is ugly. Plus.......

 

 

On July 4th, Steve McNair was a victim of an murder-suicide plotted by the highly esoteric society consisting of the 3 most powerful "people" on the planet Earth, aptly named The Transcontinental Triage Archipelago. Their meetings are held in secret, the meetings' locations known only seconds before it's commencement, and at said meetings members discuss who in the world, be it a nation or a single individual, needs to be "alleviated" of their current behavior. Although the members and intentions of said esoteric, and possibly satanic, organization are unknown, it is not mere speculation, but hard driven fact that Steve McNair was "alleviated" for his transgressions.

Now that the reasoning for Steve McNair's demise has been thoroughly explained (You're Welcome), I must ask the question: Why in the heck was their a toxicology report done on McNair's corpse? The Tennessee Assistant Medical Examiner found that McNair was drunk at the time of his murder and had marijuana in his system. What does this matter? McNair was drunk at the time, with some THC coursing through his veins, but he never handled the gun. He could have been raping a koala bear with a stapler at the time but it still doesn't matter. McNair never handled the gun. His girlfriend, obviously brainwashed by the Transcontinental Triage Archipelago, shot him to smithereens.

Oh and McNair was asleep at the time so it's not like a fight broke out because he was drunk and high. Also, his brainwashed girlfriend couldn't go bonkers on him for being high and drunk because she admitted to the police of  being both high and drunk when arrested for a DWI with McNair. She probably encouraged him to drink and smoke pot!

So what was the point of a toxicology report on a man who was murdered in his sleep? I'm guessing the coroner looked at the bullet wounds, ahem, the FATAL bullet wounds and said to him/herself "Gee those are some big bullet holes, those look like brains to me! Maybe we should run this stiff over to toxicology to see if he died of a drug overdose!". Stupid fucking hicks.

The murder of Steve McNair was a fucking tragedy. It's sad because he was chosen to be "alleviated" by an en evil cult-like group and it's sad because it shouldn't have been him. We couldn't escape the fact that he was having an extramarital affair, that much is certain. We shouldn't drag his name through the mud by saying he was drunk and stoned. The murder and the alcohol/drug use aren't connected. To connect the two will pave the way for some public service announcement with a kid sipping some wine cooler, taking a hit of a joint and subsequently being murdered  by his girlfriend. Fuck, this wouldn't bother me if it was just Donovan McNabb who was murdered instead.

Eagles cornerback Jack Ikegwuonu escaped responsibility for his actions on Friday when he was acquitted of charges that he allegedly broke into an off-campus Northern Illinois apartment to steal an X-box in 2006.  Ikegwuono and his twin brother Bill, who was acquitted of the same charges earlier this year, argued that they were indeed at the scene and inside the apartment in question, but were there unintentionally, as they were looking for a party to which they had been invited.  The apartment residents testified that there was no party at the apartment, and that they have not invited the Ikeguono brothers anywhere.  Ikegwuonu's defense attorney argued that the brothers had only picked up the Xbox for "ten seconds," presumably to see if the party in question was perhaps located inside the Xbox.  His comments are worthy of quoting:  "I think it boiled down to this: Even with the state's best evidence, the best they could argue was that Jack picked up the Xbox for 10 seconds and then put it down," Gruber said.

Clearly, Gruber, your client was just the victim of a simple misunderstanding in which he broke into an apartment and was caught by the residents of that apartment holding their Xbox.  It could've happened to anyone.  Anyway, the best part of this is that it's obvious from all reports that nobody - including their defense attorney, who doesn't even feel the need to pretend to believe his clients' innocence - really considers the possibility that the Ikegwuonos were innocent, only that there wasn't enough evidence to convict them.

In any event, one thing is clear.  Ikegwuonu will fit right in in Philly where decent human beings make up an infinitesimal portion of the populace, and have zero representation on any of their professional sports teams.  Chemistry is important, and Philly knows this.  Meanwhile, lock up your Xboxes, fellas.

It was a sad day at Steve McNair's memorial service at the Reed Green Coliseum in Hattiesburg, Mississippi. Throngs of family members, friends, fans and NFL players shuffled into the Southern Mississippi University campus to pay their respects to one of the most respected men to don an NFL uniform. Among the NFL players to attend were Brett Favre, Ray Lewis, Shawn Merriman, Jay Cutler and Vince Young. The day was sad but took a turn for the worse when Vince Young was given a chance to speak.

Young took the microphone and began to regale the crowd with stories of his former mentor, affectionately referring to him as "pops". When it finally came time to pass the microphone to Shawn Merriman to speak and, most likely, to perform the Lights Out dance, Young became very emotional, refusing to leave the stage area. What happened next only added to the senseless tragedy that unfolded on that fateful 4th of July.


Merriman, obviously in a rage fueled by steroids, tried to physically remove Young from the stage, prompting Young to produce a .22 Beretta from his jacket and put the pistol to his temple. Young fired one bullet and that's all that it took to end the benched quarterback's life. As memorial service attendees rushed the stage to aid an already perished Young, Merriman proceeded to perform the Lights Out dance, anyway. It was a fitting reminder that it's not just lights out for McNair, but also for Vince Young. "Life is precious, motherfuckers!" screamed Merriman into the microphone following his dance routine. The service concluded 2 hours later after Vince Young's body was removed from the stage.

Speculation about Young's mental stability surfaced last season when Young's despondent nature bordered on suicidal following a game in which he was benched in favor of Kerry Collins. Since then, many in the Titan's organization have questioned Vince Young's mental make up. Kerry Collins went on to lead the Titans to the playoffs, though, so Vince Young's suicidal behavior was largely ignored.

Current Titans's quarterback Kerry Collins was shocked when he heard of Vince Young's demise. The shock was only amplified by the fact that Collins was dangerously drunk at the time. "Looks like I'll have another, Skip", slurred Collins to the bartender after hearing of the news. Upon being cut off, Collins called the bartender a racial slur and left the bar, presumably to drink at another bar.

Unfortunately, Brett Favre was asked by reporters to comment on the tragedy that unfolded at the service. "He just fired away.  I've always thought of myself as a gunslinger, but he showed us all today who the real gunslinger was - he did exactly what everyone knew needed to be done, but wouldn't say.  It wasn't pretty, but he went out there and got the job done.  I mean, he was benched in favor of Kerry Collins." said Brett Favre after the memorial service concluded. Favre continued "I was planning on stealing the show by announcing my unretirement, but Vince just blew his brains out on the stage. I'll just have to wait until Vince Young's memorial service to make the formal announcement".

Last night, my other personality and I were feasting on charred animal flesh (read: baby), watching the Triple A Mets-Dodgers game and enjoying a fine bottle of red wine (read: hooker blood), when the game was interrupted by a game break announcement from SNY headquarters.

I wasn't paying any attention to the announcement until I heard that the Giants' "big free agent acquisition" had been suspended, only I wasn't allowed to know who it was unless I watched SNY's sports show after the game. Well, fuck that, I thought. I'm going to look that shit up on the internet. Take that, SNY sports show.

It turns out that the Giants' "big free agent acquisition" was linebacker Michael Boley, formerly of the Hotlanta Dog Rapists (Hot Dog Rapists?). Boley was suspended by the Rog Goodell and Co. after Boley was arrested in May 2008 and subsequently charged with assault and battery after his wife accused him of being "too physical" during an argument. This is wrong on so many levels, as most male Ramon Hernandez Put Down The Gun readers agree, but let me explain this situation to the female Ramon Hernandez Put Down The Gun readers.

Michael Boley most likely loves his wife. I've never met the man. I've never stood over a dead hooker and devised a plan to get rid of the body with Michael. I never even knew he signed with the Giants. But I can tell you, Michael loves his wife.

How do I know this? It's pretty obvious because he wouldn't have beaten her if he didn't love her. He wouldn't waste his time beating the daylights out of her if she wasn't worth the trouble. If he didn't love her with all his heart, the argument wouldn't have escalated to the point where Boley was required to express how much he loves his dear wife by punching her in the face. Boley simply would have gone bowling or some shit. He beat her because he loves her, it's that simple.

She even knew this too, which further damages her credibility. She didn't just call the police because he was physical with her. Boley was "too physical" with her. That means she normally expects some physical abuse for forgetting to wash the car, do the laundry or some other mistake. She should expect harsher abuse, that would fall under the tag "too physical", for mistakes that range far outside the realm of everyday transgressions. Such transgressions include having children, talking back and eye contact.

Michael Boley's wife doesn't understand him, or any man for that matter. Mrs. Michael Boley was terrified, confused and most likely surfing the crimson wave at the time, so she chose the most unreasonable approach to ending the argument: The Pigs. She could have taken her shots and let the dispute, which was probably her fault, fall by the wayside but once the police got involved, that was the point of no return. She put her meal ticket on the line once she dialed 9-1-1. The police could slap Boley with a fine but an authority higher than law enforcement could slap Boley with an even stiffer penalty.

It's no guarded secret that commissioner Roger Goodell is systematically dismantling all of the liberties awarded to athletes in the NFL. No longer can an athlete kill a man or a dog. Athletes can no longer drive drunk or stoned. Under the watchful eye of Goodell, athletes can't even control their bitches with violence. Those athletes who have basked in the warm glow of misdemeanor and felony bliss, have suffered at the hands of the Stalinesque punishment of Lord Goodell. By calling the police on that fateful May night, Mrs Boley put her husband's career on the line. She ripped food out of her childrens' mouths. Michael Boley would no longer fear the United States judicial system. He would suffer the wrath of the National Football League's judicial system which, in terms of sheer terror, is somewhere between Guantanamo Bay and working the ice cream stand at the Special Olympics.

For this transgression, she probably deserves another beating. And do you know why she deserves another beating? It's because her husband, a hard working linebacker in the National Football League, loves her so much that he has to beat his love into her when she makes a mistake. When he becomes too physical with her, it's just more love coming out of the guy. Those battered women who claim that their husbands or boyfriends beat them because they love them aren't disillusioned or brainwashed as the Lifetime channel claims them to be. They are enlightened. Let's use Mrs. Michael Boley as a example of what not to do, ladies.