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The Yankees Should Reconsider a Few Aspects of Their Stadium Museum

posted May 19, 2009, 6:56 AM by Steven Seagal
Last night I went to the Yankees-Twinkies game and before the game started, I wandered around a bit. I stumbled upon the Yankees museum knowing full well what I would see inside. Of course their would be constant mention of the 26 world championships, Don Larsen's perfect game, the Mick, the Iron Horse and of course the Babe. That much was certain. In the middle of this museum was a large glass casing partition filled with autographed baseballs on one side and enlarged signatures on the other. I attached two photos below for those choice few retarded "readers" who skip over the posts without pictures.

Notice the 1950s chair on display to the left of the bronzed Yogi Berra statue. Chair Enthusiast Magazine gave that display two thumbs up. Surprisingly, they gave my office chair two thumbs down.

In theory, the wall adorned with autographed baseballs is impressive. It's impressive if you get a boner from seeing other peoples' signatures. To each his own. Walking in, I expected the usual suspect's signatures. I saw former Yankee greats' signed baseballs like Reggie Jackson's, Lou Gehrig's, Joe Dimaggio's and some current Yankees like the Jeterian one, Fat kid face and Monkey face. What I didn't expect were signed balls from some suspicious former Yankees and one non-Yankee.

That's right. These baseballs are actually on display in the Yankees Museum. I had to take pictures of them because I was sure no one would believe me when I said the Yankees were honoring Carl Pavano and Kyle Farnsworthless. Pavano and Farnsworth were despised as Yankees. I bet they think it's a sick joke knowing that their names are part of the Yankees museum. I especially like the Jose Contreras ball because whenever he pitched poorly, which sums up his tenure with the Yankees, he always looked like a sweaty mess. I think he might have been crying a few times too. That was a good signing. Then there is the Michael Kay signed ball. The curator of the Yankees stadium museum must have lost a hefty bet to have placed a Michael Kay autographed ball on display.

I had to leave the museum for the start of the game. I also wanted a beer. I also didn't want to renounce my Yankees allegiance if I stumbled upon Suzyn Waldman's signed ball. I'm sure it's there, probably next to the John Sterling signed ball. I must admit I'm a little disappointed I didn't find a Steve Karsay signed ball though. I'm sure he would sell it to buy more crack.

By the way, nothing would make me prouder than to have some creepy pervert run a google search for "Suzyn Waldman's balls" and find this website. If that ever happens, I'll just have to retire immediately, right?