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Ramon Hernandez Update!

posted Feb 13, 2009, 1:53 PM by Steven Seagal   [ updated Feb 15, 2009, 11:30 AM ]
According to the damned fools at Yahoo! Sports, our dastardly patron saint is ranked at a ghastly 14th on the preseason composite rankings for catcher. Since those no talent ass clowns at Yahoo! Sports don't know their vaginas from their fifth metatarsals, I present to you the Ramon Hernandez Put Down The Gun Preseason catchers rankings in order from 1-25. For reason, already known to those who peruse this fine site, catchers ranked from 25-11 will only be listed as an all encompassing "Fuck You" ERGO we will only show those rankings that matter. Without further ado, here is the top 10.

10. Ramon Hernandez speed reading through Anna Karenina in Sanskrit.
9. Ramon Hernandez wearing a Pantera shirt in space.
8. Ramon Hernandez eating a 12 foot hoagie consisted of thumbtacks, batteries and Reese's pieces.
7. Ramon Hernandez wearing a jumpsuit made of babies with adamantium skeletons while being shot at with a gatling gun.
6. Ramon Hernandez nodding in approval while watching Terminator 2: Judgement Day, specifically when Arnold takes the knife and cuts his forearm skin off, scaring the bejesus out of Dyson and Mrs. Dyson.
5. Ramon Hernandez.
4. Ramon Hernandez in the ball pit at Chuck-e-Cheese. On LSD.
3. Ramon Hernandez throwing a minivan full of nuns down an elevator shaft.
2. Ramon Hernandez staging a real life rendition of American Psycho.
1. Ramon Hernandez wrestling a polar bear, a bull shark and God in a steel cage match for the WWF Intercontinental Championship.

The Dayton Daily News has hot info on Ramon Hernandez. Apparently he reported for spring training. No, for serious now, after a disappointing year, in which Hernandez struggled offensively and defensively and most importantly, was asked to put down the gun, we expect a bounce back year for the guy. If he fails to live up to the Reds standards, they can always throw in rookie Ryan Hanigan for some big league experience. Ramon Hernandez will never fail to live up to our standards though.