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Prince Fielder Tries To Invade Dodgers Clubhouse After Hearing About Post Game Food Spread

posted Aug 5, 2009, 6:31 AM by Steven Seagal   [ updated Aug 5, 2009, 7:25 AM ]
Many assume that after Prince Fielder was hit with a pitch in the ninth inning of last night's contest, his attempt at entering the Dodgers' clubhouse was an act of anger. However, the reputable Ramon Hernandez Put Down The Gun reportorial staff was keen to pick up on the true reason for the corpulent Brewers first baseman's post game reaction.

After Fielder was blocked at the door, Dodgers outfielder Manny Ramirez apologized and said "Sorry guys, I said we had cotton candy. I told him we had a shitload of cotton candy, more than enough for us, maybe enough for two to three more people". This news came as a shock to the Ramon Hernandez Put Down The Gun beat reporters, but upon further questioning, the shock wore off and the truth was revealed.

When a Ramon Hernandez Put Down The Gun reporter asked Dodgers manager Joe Torre to comment on the clubhouse food, Torre was quick to verify Ramirez's earlier statement. "Manny's right, but it's not just cotton candy. We have chicken wings, dodgers dogs, you name it. Last week we had a whole pig".

While Torre was speaking, Fielder had returned to the now locked Dodgers clubhouse door and began begging to be let in. From outside, the Ramon Hernandez Put Down the Gun reporters believed they had heard Fielder sobbing and what sounded like gnawing on the door knob. After the incessant sobbing slowed, they could hear Fielder slowly waddling away.

The Ramon Hernandez Put Down The Gun reporter then walked up to Dodgers catcher Russel Martin who was eager to share what he had said to Fielder. "Oh man, it was great" said Martin, smiling from ear to ear, "Every time he was at the plate, I just read off a menu from a BBQ place in LA. You know, in a monotone voice, but with occasional words in there that didn't fit". Martin then mimicked the monotone voice for reporters. "Ribs. Brisket. Door knob. Chicken. Pork. Sausage. Hand." said Martin before bursting into laughter.

"When the ninth inning rolled around", Martin said  "I told Prince 'Here comes the beans!'  Mota then beaned him! I mean, it was an accident,  but what are the odds I say beans and Prince gets beaned! I guess he's begging to come in for some beans, hey you guys want some of this cotton candy? We got a ton of it here".