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Nation's Sons Resent Handsome Mama's Boy David Wright For Using Pink Bat On Mother's Day

posted May 9, 2009, 11:03 AM by Steven Seagal   [ updated May 10, 2009, 8:57 AM ]

Today is Mother's day and MLB players express their appreciation for mothers everywhere by using pink baseball bats to raise awareness for breast cancer. A large number of players choose to use pink bats but only David Wright will receive resentment from men for doing so. Several men expressed feelings ranging from jealousy to total hatred when polled on how they felt about David Wright using a pink bat on Mother's day.

"I can't stand that fucking guy" said one man, "I'll go back home tomorrow and watch the Mets game and then David Wright will be holding that pink bat, talking about how much he loves his mom and shit. Of course my mom will be paying attention for exactly those 15 seconds". For the past several years, the resentment has shifted from NY Yankees SS Derek Jeter to NY Mets 3B David Wright because mothers across America describe David Wright as "a handsome young man", a "gentleman" and in some cases a "dreamboat who would make any mother proud all the time".

One man, who owns and runs his own software company, told Ramon Hernandez Put Down the Gun reporters "He makes everything I do seem so trivial. Last year, [Wright] hit something like 8 home runs in a game and dedicated it to his mom. My mother cut out the newspaper article about it and showed it to me last Mother's day. She circled the part about phoning his parents. Sorry I can't play Major League Baseball and hit home runs for you, mom. I'm a little busy running my own fucking business". The newspaper article the man is referring to is shown below. When Ramon Hernandez Put Down The Gun reporters showed it to him, he threw his coffee to the ground and stormed out of the Hallmark store with his Mother's day card.

Ramon Hernandez Put Down the Gun reporters then caught up with another man outside Bellevue Hospital in New York City.  This man, a pediatric oncologist, told reporters "Yeah I cure cancer in kids. David Fucking Wright will swing his pink bat to the tune of a 4-for-4 day with 7 RBIs and 2 home runs and I'll be asked why can't I be more like 'Davey'. Shit, she calls him 'Davey'. You believe that? How can I be like 'Davey' when I'm elbow deep in infant tumors?". The pediatric oncologist's beeper then went off and he frantically ran back into the hospital, even though his 20 hour shift just ended.

David Wright is a career .780 hitter on Mother's day with 17 homeruns, 45 RBIs, 67 runs scored and 28 stolen bases. He will be celebrating todays 4-for-5, 3 homerun, 8 RBI and 6 runs scored day by blowing 3 grams of pure Columbian bam-bam off Russian prostitutes asses until 7 am tomorrow.