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Mike Cameron Urinates Self, Faints After Learning of Trade to New York

posted Dec 11, 2008, 6:50 AM by Steven Seagal   [ updated Feb 15, 2009, 12:37 PM ]
Mike Cameron, upon being notified of his impending trade from Milwaukee to New York, immediately began to urinate uncontrollably and collapsed into a heap on the floor.  Cameron's reaction was apparently due to deeply traumatic memories of a gut wrenching collision with NY Mets outfielder Carlos Beltran that required facial reconstructive surgery and an extended rehabilitation period.  Brewers GM Doug Melvin called Cameron into his office to inform him of the trade.  "I said "Mike, you've been traded to New York," and he just collapsed in a pool of his own urine.  I didn't even have a chance to tell him that he was traded to the Yankees, not the Mets."  When Cameron regained consciousness after being administered smelling salts by the Brewers training staff, he began frantically clawing at his face and asking to see a mirror.  "We just repeated, "Yankees, Yankees, Yankees, Mike, Yankees" until he finally began to calm down.  Cameron then meekly looked into the eyes of the trainers and Melvin, and whispered almost inaudibly, "No Beltran?"  After Cameron was assured that he would indeed not be sharing the outfield with Carlos Beltran, he immediatley regained his former cheerful personality and asked why his pants were wet.  "Except for the overpowering smell of urine," said one trainer, "It was like the whole incident never happened."
The horrific collision that led to Cameron's facial reconstructive surgery and pathetic display of terror