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Magic Cancer Bracelet Allows Brett Gardner to Hit an Inside-the-Park Home Run and Not Have Cancer

posted May 16, 2009, 8:38 AM by Steven Seagal
Earlier in the day on Friday, Brett Gardner had visited a children's hospital in New York to prove the point that indeed, not all of the Yankees are complete assholes. At the children's hospital a young girl with cancer gave Gardner a bracelet as a good luck charm. Gardner accepted the bracelet after the little girl told him that if he kept it, he would hit a home run. Well, the good luck charm worked for Gardner as he hit a 2 out inside-the-park home run in the 7th inning of last night's game against the Twins. He also doesn't have cancer.
Ramon Hernandez Put Down The Gun reporters found Gardner at his locker after the game and there, for all to see, was the good luck charm bracelet inside his locker. "It worked, that cancer kid told me I would hit a home run and I did" Gardner said almost incredulously. "I was afraid to hold onto the bracelet during the game because I didn't want cancer but it looks like this good luck charm has a two fold benefit. I went three-for-three and I don't even have cancer!" Gardner told the reporters. Ramon Hernandez Put Down The Gun reporters had asked Gardner what he had done to merit the bracelet but Gardner could only speculate. "She must have seen my bald head and thought I had cancer. Hopefully this good luck charm works for a long time because I'd like to keep playing and not have cancer".
Gardner finished the game with 3 for 3 with a home run, a triple, 2 runs scored and 1 RBI after replacing the ejected Johnny Damon in the 3rd inning. He also finished the game without cancer. Looks like that bracelet isn't going anywhere.

The above photo shows a healthy, cancer-free Brett Gardner following his inside-the-park home run. There is no word if the magic cancer bracelet prevents clubhouse cancer much to confusion of an inquiring Manny Ramirez