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Joe Torre Book Reveals New Theories on German Socialist Workers' Party Written Under the Guise of Dysfunctional Yankees' Organization.

posted Jan 26, 2009, 8:39 AM by Steven Seagal   [ updated Feb 15, 2009, 11:47 AM ]
In a move that is sending shock waves through both the New York Yankees' Organization and Third Reich Historians committee, Joe Torre is set to release his tell-all book titled "The Yankee Years". To build up hype, Doubleday publishing company has released small portions of the book to the media. Officially the book is written by Sports Illustrated's Tom Verducci as a 3rd person narrative of the Yankees under Joe Torre's management, but predominantly focuses on Torre's personal experiences as the Yankees skipper, ostensibly of course.
When Tom Verducci discussed the book with Joe Torre both had grandiose visions about what had transpired in Germany from 1933-1945. They both understood the intricacies of the Enabling act which in 1934 gave Adolph Hitler dictatorial powers with the same complex comprehension of a reluctant Brian Cashman enabling George Steinbrenner to seize total control over the Yankees. Although difficult to see on the surface, the two authors also make a decisive argument in the third chapter that Derek Jeter's "patented" catch, jump, pivot and throw to first base is a metaphor for Gestapo brutality. At the close of the third chapter, Torre explains that he can "never again see Jeter play baseball without thinking of him in an SS officer uniform". In a move which is sure to stun historians and fans alike, chapter 7 is titled "The Final Solution: Heinrich Himmler and Mariano Rivera in the 9th inning". Because the book hasn't been released in it's entirety, one can only assume that there will be a recurring theme linking Alex Rodriguez to the Holocaust.
According to a story in the book's prologue, Joe Torre and Tom Verducci were apprehensive about writing a book about the Third Reich and the Yankees until they realized that Hitler was in power for 12 years, the same amount of time that Joe Torre spent at the helm of the Yankees. Upon this realization, both Torre and Verducci looked at each other and simultaneously said "Whoa". Torre then said jinx and forced Verducci to buy him a Bigelow Green Tea, but after that "the book pretty much wrote itself".
"The Yankee Years" by Joe Torre and Tom Verducci will be published by Doubleday on February 3rd to commemorate the death of the notorious State Secretary of the Reich Ministry of Justice, Roland Freisler.