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Is Stephen Strasburg The Real Steve Nebraska?

posted Mar 25, 2009, 10:26 AM by Steven Seagal   [ updated Mar 25, 2009, 4:56 PM ]
There was a movie that came out awhile ago called "The Scout" and it was terrible. The whiny Albert Brooks played a banished-to-Mexico New York Yankees scout who stumbles upon "King Kong," as he puts it, in the form of Brendan Frasier. Sounds great, right? It gets better! Frasier played the phenom player Steve Nebraska who hit a home run in every at-bat and when he pitched, he would top out at something like 160 mph or some shit. To summarize what happened in the rest of the movie, Steve Nebraska was abused as a child (sucks because no flashback scenes to actual abuse), he was bought by the Yankees (typical), and he ended up pitching a perfect game in the World Series. The best part was when Steve Nebraska threatened to throw Albert Brooks off the roof of Yankees stadium because that's exactly what I wanted to do. I hated the movie for two reasons. The first being that Albert Brooks turned down the generous offering of a whole roasted pig leg from a Mexican. Fucking gringos don't know shit, man. That pig leg looked delicious. The second and most important reason why I hated it is because he was pitching in Yankees stadium, an AL ballpark, but he still batted in the lineup. There's probably some loophole that allowed that, but it bothered the shit out of me at the time. It still does because after hearing about this Stephen Strasburg kid I immediately thought of "The Scout" and got all pissed.
Supposedly, this Strasburg youngster is the shit. According to one scout "It's not even close". I think you know what he means. I certainly do. His fastball enters Steve Nebraska territory and he's only 20-years-old. He hit 103 on one scout's radar gun. That's fucking fast. I drove 110 mph once and I felt like I was about to go back in time. And his pitches move. It's not like Kyle Farnsworth either, who throws hard but has no movement on his pitches. Strasburg throws hard and his pitches dance up and down in and out of the strike zone. So far this year at San Diego State, he has 74 strikeouts in 34 1/3 innings. He fanned 23 batters in one game last year. In the Beijing Olympics, he struck out 62 in 41 innings of work. Teams are drooling over this kid but I'm not sold yet. Actually I want to know more about him. I'll be honest with you because I always am (Yes, that Steve Karsay story was true). I've got some questions about Strasburg. Will he not only threaten but actually throw Albert Brooks off a roof? Was he abused as a child? Do we have video evidence of said abuse? When I watch him, will a Mexican offer me a whole roasted pig leg? Only after these questions are answered will I tell you my honest opinion of Stephen Strasburg. Until then, I will say there was another pitcher who threw really fucking fast once. His name was Armando Benitez. Mets fans will never forget that fucking name.  (editor's note: yeah, and we traded him to the Yankees.  For three guys I've never heard of.  I couldn't remember who they were so I just checked.  I still don't know.  But I know i'd rather have them than Armando Benitez.  Fat fuck.  Suckers.) Heed that warning, motherfuckers.