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"I Love Weiners," says Seagal, Directs Website Camp to "Get On Board Or Get The Fuck Out."

posted May 29, 2009, 5:19 AM by Steven Seagal
The Schizophrenic Seagal story continues to make headlines, as Baseball Seagal has directly called out the Website camp in the following statement.  To be sure, Seagal has always been schizophrenic, but this is getting kind of ridiculous.  Anyway, this website obviously does not agree with the following absurd statement (except the part about Baseball Seagal loving Weiners, that's definitely true) but in the interest of journalistic integrity and because Seagal threatened us with a devastating roundhouse if we didn't comply (I know, it's getting ridiculous for me too, just fuck off or deal with it).
Out With The Old, In With The Weiners
After languishing for 2 months in Triple A Norfolk, the Baltimore Orioles have finally made the sensible move to call up this year's Evan Longoria or Ryan Braun - Matt Weiners.  Despite the nostalgic opinion of the Website Division, this organization is about winning championships, not being a huge fucking pussy who talks about its feelings and shit.  Grow the fuck up, Website Division, and get on board or get the fuck out.  This organization has no room for naysayers, and they will be crushed under Bootheel of Seagal.
My conversation with Ramon about his new role and about my longing for Weiners went even better than expected.  As I sermonized on my love of Weiners, he was so jubilant that he was smiling and even seemed to be suppressing laughter.  He wants to win a championship as much as we all do, and he understands and shares this organizations deep love and need for Weiners.    He will gracefully accept his position on the bench, remain the team's captain, and continue to lead with pride.
Perhaps this came off a little harsher than I initially intended.  The fact remains, however, that despite the enormous respect as I have for The Godfather, the future of this team lies in Weiners.  I'm going to repeat that for you, because I want there to be no doubt that Weiners came directly from my mouth:  The Future Of This Organization Lies In Weiners.