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If The Playoffs Started Today.....

posted Apr 7, 2009, 8:05 AM by Steven Seagal
Opening day is finally over. I know I'm not alone when I say that yesterday was overly complicated and exceedingly stressful. Now that it's over, we can look ahead. If the playoffs started today, the Orioles, Angels and Seattle and Texas would all be both gripping it AND ripping it in October. While said gripping and ripping goes down, the overpaid Yankees (Thanks a boatload of pastrami, CC! Hey Hank, cut all them bums while you can!), both the gameless Rays and Red Sox (Really, ZERO games played? pathetic), the hard luck Blue Jays (It's too complicated. You wouldn't understand), and the entire AL Central (typical) would be licking their wounds and answering to a lot of the "This what supposed to be our year! What Happened?" questions.
The NL is an even bigger disaster. The Mets again failed to make the playoffs even with a solid win over the Reds. The defending world fucking champion Phillies go home early, restoring order to the miserable universe Philadelphia fans have grown accustomed to for so long. Everything else in the NL is just a jumbled mess. I'm just too depressed to even think about baseball right now without my team (the Yankees) and my other personality's team (Mets) in the playoffs, you know if the playoffs started today.
Sure, I would have liked a better turnout from CC and Big Mark, but yeah, the playoffs AREN'T starting today. Contrary to popular belief, CC and Teixeira aren't being paid 29 gazillion dollars to play one game. There are 161 more games to go for them to "earn their keep". But if the Yankees lose tomorrow, I swear I'm going to burn down New York City and denounce my allegiance to those overpaid steroid abusers. Fuck em all, I say. You know if they lose tomorrow.
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