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Human Sacrifice, Dogs and Cats Living Together... Mass Hysteria!

posted May 22, 2009, 9:05 AM by Steven Seagal
To keep with the Ghostbusters theme I'll go all black Ghostbuster Winston on your asses and say that I've seen shit that'll turn you white. But knowing what I've seen will pale in comparison to what will take place this weekend. Yes, I am being over dramatic for effect, fuckos. What I'm talking about has already been alluded to by Yankees museum mainstay Michael Kay  That being the Mets and Yankees fans are going to make interesting, if not severely retarded, bed fellows this weekend when both teams face one another's arch nemeses. The Yankees are hosting the Phillies. The Red Sox are hosting the Mets.

I will be forced to join forces with my totally insensitive co-editor in hurling heinous insults at the Phillies organization and everyone ever associated with those inbred fucksticks. I'll channel his rage. He'll revel in it. This will all come to pass, that is, if he can return the favor. No, we're not exchanging sexual favors. Not yet at least.

For one weekend of hating everything Phillies related, I just ask that my outlandishly insensitive co-editor feed off my hatred of the Red Sox and vomit it all over the greater New England area. It really could work out. I think he already hates the Red Sox GM for being a Jew. Or he hates the Jew for being the Red Sox GM.

Yankees and Mets fans are known to harbor some bizarre feud but my co-editor and I share not said animosity. Well, I like to think he doesn't. This weekend, we can join forces and come together (mandatory sex joke, sorry) or just treat it like every other weekend. If all goes according to plan, maybe he can have fun rooting for a team that's winning. HEY-OOOO! INSULT! No, I kid. We all know how much he already loves the Orange Rider. Maybe I can start loving Johan the Barbarian as uncomfortably as he does.

If it doesn't go according to plan, then fuck him and his attempts at trying to murder me for not paying him the $994 billion clams I owe for the Super Bowl Safety bet.

I'll start off the weekend right by saying Fuck you Ryan Howard, Fuck you Chase Utley. And Fuck you Jimmy Gaptooth. Sorry Dr. Foxyrotten.