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Happy Birthday Steve Karsay!

posted Mar 24, 2009, 12:14 PM by Steven Seagal

Today, March 24th is former Athletics, Braves, Indians, Yankees, Rangers RHP Steve Karsay's 37th Birthday! Now we all know this career 4.01 ERA, 32-39, 41 save relief pitcher spent eons on the disabled list, but did you know he smokes, or at least smoked crack once with a cokehead bartender I know? I bet you didn't know that because only I am cool enough to talk about Steve Karsay with cokehead bartenders.  Last year, I had walked into the bar where cokehead bartender works, wearing my Yankees cap, and he told me he had a story for me about Steve Karsay from a few nights prior.
Apparently this cokehead bartender, let's call him Tim for the sake of brevity, had been drinking heavily in a Hell's Kitchen area bar flirting with an older woman when she recommended they go to a friend's place. Tim obliged to this older female's request and the two were off for what Tim assumed was drunken- coke fueled sex- as if there is any other kind of sex, says Dr. Foxyrotten.
Tim walks up to the older woman's friend's apartment and immediately starts scoping out the area after the older woman disappears for awhile. On the walls are various pictures of a  baseball player pitching, and the one picture that stood out was one of said pitcher donning a Yankees uniform at Yankee stadium. Being a Red Sox fan-Yankees hater, Tim notices that the pitcher is Steve Karsay. On the couch is a guy in his underwear smoking crack. Tim looks at crack smoking man, then back at the photograph of Steve Karsay and immediately realizes the two men are the same person. Tim is in the same room as a crack smoking Steve Karsay!
After uncomfortably standing around for awhile Tim is offered crack by Steve Karsay to which Tim turns down the offer.Tim is there to get laid, not smoke crack, but he figures that getting laid takes patience, much like smoking crack (Editor's note: trust me on this one). After a few minutes, a completely different and completely naked woman walks out from one of the backrooms and Tim finally feels like this night is going somewhere. Steve Karsay notices Tim eye fucking the naked woman and Karsay says "If you want some of that" as he points at his naked apartment friend, "you gotta get some of this" as Karsay grabs his own crotch. Tim is obviously confused but Karsay takes it to another level asking Tim if he is into trannies. At this point, Tim is glad that he is still standing by the front door.
 Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you look at this story, the older woman comes back out and tells Tim they need beer. Steve Karsay jumps up, puts on some clothes and demands money from Tim. Karsay, the same guy who was dealt multi-million dollar contracts, is asking Tim for money. Tim, being the guest, hands over twenty bucks and Steve Karsay quickly leaves.
After a few minutes, Steve Karsay returns empty handed. Tim, obviously perplexed and in need of booze, asks Karsay where the beer is and Karsay nonchalantly produces a bag of crack from his pocket (Editor's note: I just assumed Tim knew it was crack, I didn't want to press him. Every man has a vice). After Tim sees the bag of crack, he comes to an epiphany of sorts and realizes he isn't fucking either one of the girls and certainly wants no part of the tranny inquiring crack smoking Steve Karsay. After said epiphany, Tim just leaves, twenty dollars poorer but invaluably richer knowing in some apartments in New York City, you too can find millionaire former athletes getting kicks from things you can't possibly imagine.
You skeptics out there can call shenanigans on Tim for this story if you want. He's got an honest face, one resembling Nick Wright from Pink Floyd, and that's why I believe him. Plus, it sounds like a good story to tell on Steve Karsay's birthday. Happy Birthday Steve Karsay!