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Dontrelle Willis Placed on the DL after Being Diagnosed with "Anxiety Disorder"

posted Mar 30, 2009, 12:26 PM by Steven Seagal
Things just keep getting worse for Dontrelle Willis as the Tigers placed him on the DL with anxiety disorder. According to reports, the usually jovial Willis had been acting strangely over the past several weeks, which prompted the Tigers medical staff to question the mental stability of the lefty. "He just keeps yelling and accusing everyone of calling him racial slurs" said Tigers president/ GM Dave Dombrowski, "It's just a bit, umm, it's been uncomfortable, but it's under control, It's just a minor case of anxiety disorder, nothing else". While conducting this interview with Dombrowski, we couldn't help but hear Dontrelle Willis scream from the trainers' room, "I ain't no nigger, and I ain't no honky, I'm a train, you motherfuckin chinks. CHUGGA CHUGGA CHOO CHOOOOOOOO!". Dombrowski obviously embarrassed by a screaming Willis, began speaking louder to the point of screaming himself, in hopes that his voice could drown out Willis'. "We hope Dontrelle sorts out everything in his life", Dombrowski screamed into our faces, "We expect him back sometimes this season with the Tigers". Willis quickly picked up on the Dombrowski's last sentence and began roaring from the trainer's room. Willis then screamed "I'm a tiger, baby, get me some tiger balls, I'll throw them faasssssst, I'll throw them 60,000 miles per hour at your nigger face. Light speeeeeeed, GOOOOO!" Willis then made a swirling noise with his mouth, followed by an explosion noise. Before leaving, Willis opened the door to the trainers' room with his pants around his ankles and yelled at me "Nobody, I said NOBODY calls the tiger train a chink, CHOO CHOOOOO!".
"What are you looking at, you chink bitch?", Willis told us as we were leaving, "I ain't crazy, you're the crazy one, you muffin topped pencil sharpener Jew. Tiger train a comin".