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Chris Carpenter Flirts with a No-Hitter into the 7th Inning, Then Compares One-Hitter to a "Fat Chick"

posted Apr 10, 2009, 8:15 AM by Steven Seagal   [ updated Apr 15, 2009, 11:24 AM ]
Chris Carpenter baffled the Pirates hitters for 6 2/3 solid innings of no hit baseball before giving up only one hit but still didn't give himself enough credit relating his performance to that of an obese woman. After the game Carpenter told reporters "I was out there flirting up a storm with that no hitter, I was smooth, funny, charming, doing all the right things. I was sure I was going to get lucky tonight. Unfortunately I had to go home with a fat chick". Carpenter was utterly dominant in his first outing of the season, finally allowing a hit to Ramon Vasquez with 2 outs in the 6th inning. Carpenter, obviously down on himself, kept referring to his performance as a "fat chick" until one reporter unwisely asked him to clarify his statement a bit further. Carpenter then went on a long diatribe explaining his performance. Carpenter explained "It's like I was with a supermodel for the beginning of the night but then I got too drunk and she left so I was trolling the bar for some strange and next you know I'm sucking face with some fatty and she's all like 'let's go back to my trailer and make the beast with two backs' and I told her 'screw it, that super model' the no hitter in this case 'just left so let's go screw'. That's what my pitching performance was like fellas". When notified of Carpenter's statements, Pirates OF Nate McClouth nodded in agreement before saying "Yeah, he's got higher standards than most people, much higher than [Pirates players]. We always end up with fat chicks. I guess you can say  we have no standards".
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