News‎ > ‎MLB‎ > ‎

Bonds Attempts To Stop Ex-Mistress From Testifying About Size of Balls

posted Jan 16, 2009, 7:09 AM by Steven Seagal   [ updated Feb 15, 2009, 11:56 AM ]
Barry Bonds is attempting to get his ex-mistress precluded from testifying in the government's perjury case, in a move that must be unsuccessful.  Think about the potential line of questioning, starting off with this:
Prosecuter: "Ms. Bell, would you describe for the court Mr. Bonds' balls?"
Kimberly Bell, Bonds' ex-mistress, is expected to testify about rages and "physical changes" associated with his steroid use.  I can't see how that's not the first question asked.  Another known side effect of steroid use that would be absolutely hysterical to hear testimony on is impotence.

Prosecuter: "Ms. Bell, was Mr. Bonds capable of getting it up?"
If this trial isn't televised, it is nothing short of an absolute miscarriage of justice.  Just imagine, during that line of questioning, the Fox News cameras focusing on Bonds' reactions about as frequently as they zero in on Jeter in the dugout during every one of their Yankees broadcasts.  I'm pretty sure that Fox has a dedicated Jetercam that just studies his facial expressions throughout the game, so they can cut to it at any given time.  This technology should be applied to the Bonds trial, so that we can see Bonds' expression at the exact moment that Kimberly Bell says "Barry's balls were about half the size of the asterisk on Barry's "756" ball."