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Annoying Fucking Drug Testing Advocate Pitching Prick, Who Probably Used Steroids Himself, Retires From Baseball and Hopefully We'll Never Hear His Stupid Fucking Voice Or See His Stupid Fucking Face Ever Fucking Again.

posted Mar 23, 2009, 9:09 AM by Steven Seagal   [ updated Mar 23, 2009, 9:25 AM ]

That's right. You know who I'm talking about here. 42-year-old right hander and professional dicknose Curtis Schilling has retired, as stated on his blog, (Come on, what kind of megalomaniac writes a blog?). Schilling is retiring after 23 years in the bigs, winning a World series in 2001 with lame Arizona and two World Series in 2004 and 2007 with the stupid fucking Red Sox.
During the 2001 World Series, Schilling shot himself in the ass, where he also takes it from dudes, several times with horse-grade oxandralone and pitched the Diamondbacks to their first World Series Championship over the cherubic and drug free New York Yankees.
In 2004 ALCS, Curt Schilling, again on steroids, smeared ketchup on his ankle in the infamous "Bloody sock game" and pitched the Red Sox to victory over the money donating, cancer patient caring, soup kitchen working New York Yankees. The Red Sox went on to win their first World Series in 86 years, paving the way for every bandwagon fucker to become annoying "die hard" Red Sox fans thus making every human being's life absolutely miserable.
The Red sox won again in 2007, but nobody cared except Sully and Francis in Saugus, MA, who swear they've been "the biggest Sox fans on the planet since they were in their [whore of a] mothers' wombs".
Schilling rounds out his 216-146 record, 3.46 ERA career with 3116 strikeouts, the 14th most strikeouts in history. Under the influence of steroids, Schilling was 11-2 with a 2.23 ERA in 19 postseason starts.
The next time I hear any news on Curtis Schilling, I hope it's to learn that he was eaten by bull sharks or dragged from behind a stampeding wildebeest. Fuck you Curt Schilling.