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A-Rod Arrives At Camden Yards on Horseback to Save Yankeetown

posted May 8, 2009, 12:19 PM by Steven Seagal   [ updated May 8, 2009, 3:38 PM ]
Times are tough in Yankeetown.  The town has been under siege by a variety of ruthless foes over the past month, and the townsfolk are doing all they can just to keep their heads above water.  Not long ago, a group of ruffians from Bostonville laid waste to the town, raping and pillaging their way through main street for 3 straight days.  A small group of the demoralized inhabitants were forced to rally behind Sheriff Mariano and lash out against Detroitburgh and Anaheimtown just to make ends meet.  The Bostonville ruffians hadn't had enough, though, and earlier this week came back for another 2 day rapefest, before passing the rape baton to Tampaville - who faithfully carried the torch, and actually crushed what little morale remained in Yankeetown by murdering Sheriff Mariano last night.

Morale in Yankeetown couldn't be lower.  "Big Mark" Teixieira, who runs the butcher shop on main street, is being forced to close up the shop and hasn't stopped crying for 36 hours.  The Yankeeville Saloon, normally a boisterous, bustling establishment where the whiskey runs like water and you can always find a good poker game, is barren.  Barmaid Jeter said he hasn't seen a customer since April.  "I guess with all the rapin', nobody is in the mood for a good ol' honky tonk drunkfest," says a visibly beaten, broken, and bowlegged Jeter as he polishes the same pint glass for the 23rd time.
 
The town collectively hangs its head and wonders how it will rally against a clearly inferior Baltimore opponent.  The silence is deafening.  Tumbleweeds roll down the streets.  The saloon doors creak in the wind.
 
But wait!  The silence is broken by the sound of hooves and clinking of spurs.  The townfolk raise from their seats and cautiously peak their heads above their windows.  A tall, orange rider on horseback arrives at the front of the Saloon, dismounts, and ties his horse.  He looks up to see the town has gathered before him, and slowly drawls "There's a new sheriff in town..."  He tips his hat to the Barmaid and says with a wink, out of the corner of his mouth, "Looks like it's time for an ol' fashioned bird hunt."
 
The assembled townsfolk break into thunderous applause!  The Yankeetown inhabitants rally behind Sheriff Rod!  Big Mark, still crying, re-opens his butchers shop!  The Yankeetown Saloon is packed and raucous!  Yankeetown is saved!
The Orange Rider
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