News‎ > ‎Miscellaneous Garbage‎ > ‎

This Is Not A Pornography Site No Matter What Your Parents, Friends, Therapists and Coworkers Say

posted Jul 16, 2009, 8:20 AM by Steven Seagal   [ updated Jul 16, 2009, 9:56 AM ]
(This post was written due to the fact that a reader, who we promised we would not identify by name, pointed out that this site was blocked at his place of work with the tag "Pornography". We are not the type to tell you what to do but please read this post and hopefully you will not fall into the vicious habit of mistaking this site for one which provides people having sexual intercourse on film)
 
Okay, think about it, friends. How often do you check this website and oggle it's majestic brilliance? Seven, maybe eight times an hour? And how often does the average Ramon Hernandez Put Down The Gun reader masturbate in a given day? Roughly 5 times if there are no sports, Quantum Leap episodes or WWE movies on television.
 
Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on whether you view incessant masturbation as a problem, Quantum Leap has been removed from it's regularly scheduled lineup on ION, the All Star Break provided little in the way of actual baseball and the Marine hasn't been shown on FX in quite some time. This means that Ramon Hernandez Put Down The Gun readers can give themselves some self-inflicted action while the dog days of summer grind away at their patience and self control. But please for the love of Jacobs, do not use this site to get your rocks off, we beg you.
 
Just because you masturbate more than a palsy on coke, doesn't mean you can masturbate to any freaking thing you want. Masturbation and this website are fun little hobbies to enjoy but they are mutually exclusive. For those of you who do give yourself jerkoff-jobs, you are sick, sick, sick. Can't you find another way to fill the void that is your life? Visit a foreign country, killl a prostitute, do anything! Just don't associate this website with your perversions.
 
The blocking of this site by Dr. Foxyrotten's employer (McDonalds) saddens us to no end. Upon hearing the news, we simply shrugged our shoulders and drank 39 delicious and refreshing MGDs!  We then reminded Fox that just because some sick fucks out there go all jack handy on themselves to this site, doesn't mean he has to do the same. We have yet to hear from him and many of our readers since that declaration. All of you better not let us down.
 
Look on the bright side. Baseball starts back up again tonight, Quantum Leap episodes are available on DVD, The Marine will be back on FX soon and in the near future football will begin to wreak havoc on your personal lives. Keep that in your duffle bag, motherfuckers.
Comments