News‎ > ‎Miscellaneous Garbage‎ > ‎

There Is Something Vaguely Familiar About This Whole Erin Andrews Peephole Incident

posted Jul 19, 2009, 7:34 AM by Steven Seagal   [ updated Jul 19, 2009, 10:33 AM ]
(For those of you who don't know the story, here is the synopsis: Erin Andrews spent the night in a hotel. Some guy videotaped her getting dressed and/or undressed through the hotel door peephole. Erin Andrews enlisted a tough-as-nails lawyer, probably Harvey Lawyerjewstein or someone like that, to put the videotaping pervert in a Turkish prison, shut down the hotel forever, and inevitably leak the tape anyway. Here is the Ramon Hernandez Put Down The Gun opinion on the matter.)

So where did I see this reverse peephole trick before? Oh right, Kramer did that to his own apartment. No offense to Erin Andrews and her female parts, which I'm sure are all present and accounted for, but wouldn't we all rather watch Kramer's shenanigans through a peephole? I know I would.

Again, no offense to Erin Andrews and her female parts, which I hear are smooth and soft, but why doesn't she check the peephole in every hotel room or apartment like me, Steven Seagal? I do it because of ninjas.I can't forget the ninjas. Ever.

I must reiterate, no offense to Erin Andrews and her sweet sweet female parts, which I hear smell of the finest Egyptian jasmine and taste of rich honey, but shouldn't she be on the lookout for creepsters trying to photograph her while she's most vulnerable? After all, she is Erin Andrews, an attractive woman on ESPN, frequently put to work at sporting events where alcohol is enthusiastically imbibed by heterosexual males.

I apologize for being repetitive so bear with me here. No offense to Erin Andrews and her female parts, of which the peephole incident photographs and video can be purchased for a healthy and worthy fee of twenty five American dollars from this site*, but what kind of sleazy hotel is ESPN putting the beautiful, talented and ultimately respected Erin Andrews in while she's working? Shame on you ESPN. I would expect such treatment from this site, especially when our network television channel Murder Boner TV airs next fall, but not ESPN. For Shame!

*Fuck you. This isn't a pornography site.