News‎ > ‎Miscellaneous Garbage‎ > ‎

Suzyn Waldman Has Discovered The Internet

posted May 16, 2009, 6:04 AM by Steven Seagal   [ updated May 17, 2009, 6:02 AM ]

Before I start this rant, let me just say that no fucking way, I did not read this blog. If I did, I would probably scoop out my own eyes with a rusty spoon and eat them with a bowl of spaghetti-o's. Okay now I can get started.

 For the most part I try to steer clear of some blogs of my favorite teams because I know that blogs are run by fans and I happen to be a fan of three teams which produce some absolutely disgusting people. Let's look at what I have to deal with on a daily basis.

1) I'm a Yankees fan so I have the Vito's from Brooklyn, Joe's from Bayonne and Al's in the Bronx all bitching and moaning to Fat Mike Francesa as if their gabagool and chicken parmigiana dinner depended on the every game.

2) I'm a Giants fan so I have all the bandwagon fans from the GREATEST SUPERBOWL WIN OF ALL TIME who would just as easily jump ship to the Jets if this Mark Sanchez guy turns out okay.

3) I'm also a Rangers fan but most Rangers fans haven't figured out this internet thing yet so a Rangers blog is still a few years away. I'm sure a Rangers fan blog would consist of photo shopped Islanders players in skirts, videos of Rangers fans beating up Islanders fans or simply Rangers fans expressing deep discomforting affection for Ryan Callahan.

So with those three fan bases, you can understand why I keep my distance from fan blogs. Except one blog I guess, and that's Sweeny Murti's on the WFAN website. He's a Phillies fan but I don't hold that against him since he's probably the smartest person from Philadelphia. Being Indian doesn't hurt either, although I bet he's shunned by the Murti clan for not becoming a doctor. Doctor or no doctor, I like Sweeny. He's the beat writer for the Yankees and he usually gives a no nonsense completely unbiased approach to the Yankees. I bet after a few drinks, he'd tell you he hates the Yankees, but he still does a good job. Good one, WFAN, for hiring an Indian guy too. We all know how racist they are on that station, even after the dismissal of Imus.

Unfortunately for me and Sweeny, our lives are being invaded. I recently visited Sweeny's blog on the WFAN website to find another blog below his. It's titled Waldman's Way. My first thought was, "shit, this bitch has the same name as that other bitch!"  My second thought was "shit, I'm a fucking moron, it's the same bitch."  I opened one of her links, don't ask me why, and found that yes, Suzyn fucking Waldman has a blog. That's another platform for that nasally whore to pontificate about how much she loves to fuck John Sterling, how much she loves Roger Clemens, how much she royally sucks at being a human being. Fuck us all.

It's not Sweeny's fault of course but in a way, it's taking something away from him. His talent and insight is being shared on the same page as Suzyn Waldman's vaginal secretions. It may not mean much to him now, but it will. The next time the Yankees sign Roger Clemens to a prorated $670 million dollar deal, she'll start gagging and crying and screaming on the air. Then Vito from Brooklyn will discover the internet and somehow find his way over to Sweeny's blog and see Waldman's way, plastered with sonnets written about Roger Clemens naked on horseback or some freaky ass shit. Vito from Brooklyn will then beat his Indian or Chinese neighbor. Trust me, it will happen. And it will all be Suzyn Waldman's fault. That's right folks, you heard it here. Suzyn Waldman's existence encourages racism.

So if WFAN won't remove Suzyn Waldman's blog from their site for my personal reasons (She's a waste of life), won't they do it for the sake of racial harmony? Unless of course it involves the Jews. In that case, leave Waldman's Way on there. Just kidding, I love those nice Jewish boys Mike Koplove and Ian Kinsler.