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I'd Rather Be A Nazi Than A Hipster

posted Dec 17, 2008, 10:18 AM by Steven Seagal   [ updated Feb 15, 2009, 12:32 PM ]
This isn't really a sports post unless of course you think kickball and spelling bees are sports.  Of course if you think kickball and spelling bees are sports than you are an asshole. I was recently enlightened to the fact that in Williamsburg hipsters have been competing in spelling bees. Was it not enough to have a spelling bee every two weeks when navigating your way from 1st grade to 6th grade?  It was bad enough with the kickball but now spelling bees? Why is it that hipsters want to be nine years old? Look at the evidence. They play kickball. They have Liger drawing contests. They dress the way a 9 year old would if given the freedom to do whatever the fuck they wanted. They never clean themselves. Remember how fucking dirty you'd get as a kid? They think spelling bees are fun. I bet they even enjoy laser light bowling and being molested by priests. At the same time, no less.
Hipsters pride themselves on being original. You know who was original? Vlad the Impaler, now there was a original guy. Another one is Hitler. Hitler was a pioneer. In fact when I heard of a conversation on what a hipster was between a family member and a friend, the friend said that I was a hipster. Upon hearing of this conversation I stated that I'd rather be a Nazi than a hipster. At least Nazism is an ethos. Hipsterdom (Hipsterdumb?) is based upon the belief system in which there is an absolute rejection of all mainstream fashions and arts. Rejection of mainstream beliefs is easily maintained by pretending to be a fucktarded pretentious nine year old. You know the kid. He was a loser douche bag who thought he was cool but really, he was just a loser douche bag. Now that kid is all grown up. They ride bicycles but not normal bicycles. They ride ugly bicycles with banana seats and front mounted baskets because your everyday normal mountain bike is too mainstream. They only listen to bands that haven't made it to mainstream radio and once their underground band signs to a major label, they brush off their previous tastes saying "They were better when they didn't do it for the money". They're so original that they all dress the same. Let that last sentence soak in for a second. Okay now I'll ask the following question. When 10,000 people all live in the same neighborhood, all drink Stella, and all dress the same exact fucking way, would those people be considered original? No way. Hipsterdom has now become mainstream. I hope once the hipsters realize that, the Stella they are so gingerly sipping, shoots out of their eye sockets. And then they immediately burst into flames. You know how Hitler despised the gypsies and planned to eradicate them? That was wrong. Gypsies are people. Hipsters on the other hand?  Well you know my answer to that question.