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Google's View of Ramon Hernandez Put Down The Gun Because We Pinch Hit For Our Catcher And We Don't Have Any Position Players Left On The Bench

posted Mar 16, 2009, 9:54 AM by Steven Seagal   [ updated Apr 20, 2009, 4:47 PM ]
Google offers various utilities to show website owners how their site is indexed by Google, and how users get to their site.  One of these is "Top Search Queries," which shows you the search terms that return your site.  For example, if you searched for "ramon hernandez put down the gun," our site would come up.  But what else causes our site to come up?  The answers make me so happy, I have to share them with you....
  • what dreams are made of
  • god listens to slayer
  • steven seagal
  • steven seagal 2009
  • videotapes
  • steven seagal zombie
  • this is what dreams are made of
  • steven seagal gun
  • steven seagal 23
  • zombie steinbrenner
  • steven seagal guns
  • steven segal 2009
  • god listens
  • zombie gun
Some of these are on like the 617th page of search results, others are on the first - but the point is that this is the impression google has of our website.  My personal favorite is zombie steinbrenner, for obvious reasons, but I also greatly enjoy "god listens," because it means religious people looking for solace will likely have their fragile worldview shattered when they stumble upon our site.  Also, "this is what dreams are made of," because since it comes from a Disney movie, promises to draw lots of small children - which is really our target audience.  "Zombie gun," and "videotapes," also receive honorable mention.
We'll update this list as it changes (it evolves from week to week, based on what people actually search for).
We've had some noteworthy additions to the search terms, so I thought I'd share them with you:
  • zombie marathon
  • steven seagal on a boat
  • zombie homework
This "Update!" is bigger!  Why?  Because it's got more stuff in it, asshole.
  • groupies
  • fuckface
  • fuck face
  • thats fucked up
  • scott boras crocodile tears
  • real groupies
  • fucked up shit
  • hot paramedic
  • poop mustache
  • corey smith

Wow, now that is a great group of search terms to have Google associate your site with.  I'm pretty proud of ourselves.  I'm so excited about the "scott boras crocodile tears," mostly because I'd love to meet the person who searched for that.  If you're reading this, come forward.  We will shower you with presents.