News‎ > ‎Miscellaneous Garbage‎ > ‎

A Travesty...

posted Feb 15, 2009, 2:34 PM by Steven Seagal   [ updated Feb 15, 2009, 5:02 PM ]
I came home today after spending the morning like I do every Sunday, picking up trash along the highway, to find that my other personality's girlfriend had left the light on in the bathroom.  Those of you who know how fanatical I am about conservation and protecting the environment can probably imagine my reaction - I was livid.  Furious, I strode to the bathroom to put an end to this tragic rape of our resources, and the following catastrophe entered my field of vision:

Yes, she left the faucet on.  I flew into a blind rage and the need to engage in homicidal behavior on a massive scale overtook me.  I tore into my other personality's room in order to throw his computer off the fire escape, and this is what I saw:
"Good god, she made the bed," I thought, "the girl is absolutely inhuman!"  I left everything as I found it, went outside, found a stray cat, brought it in off the street and locked it in his room.  I proceeded to watch the Rangers get annihilated by the Flyers, and seethed as I waited for my other personality to return home so I could make him take the pictures of the injustices.  A few hours after he got home I remembered to tell him about it, and he took the awful images you see on this page.  Then, we shut the faucet off.

And yes, we messed up his bed, too.  The old fashioned way... by murdering a prostitute on it. 

Excuse me, I have to return some video tapes.