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You're My Rocket Queen

posted Dec 8, 2008, 2:17 PM by Steven Seagal   [ updated Feb 15, 2009, 12:43 PM ]
We here at ramonhernandezputdownthegunbecausewepinchhitforourcatcherandwedon' like to have some fun with certain players. Personally, I enjoy picking on Timothy Tebow because he makes it so damn easy. It's also relieving to pick on the guy because his life is fucking perfect. He won a national championship in his freshmen year. He won the Heisman in his sophomore year. ESPN has chapped lips from going down on him every Saturday. Shit, just look at the picture of Timmy with his girlfriend. Can you say GAZONGAS! That girl is going to need a backeotomy. Anyway, I was listening to Guns N' Roses' Rocket Queen really fucking loud (you HAVE to listen to it really fucking loud) the other day and I thought of Tim Tebow. If ever there is a song that best exemplifies Axl Rose's bipolar nature, it's Rocket Queen. The first half of the song Axl just rips a chick to shreds. Axl basically lets this chick know that he'll fuck anyone he wants and this girl ain't worth a damn in his book. This is how I feel about Tim Tebow 50% of the time. No, I don't want to fuck him, but yes, in my book, he's not worth a damn. I blame media saturation. Fuck you ESPN. Now after Saturday game, I felt like I was listening to the second half of Rocket Queen. A Percy Harvin-less Florida Gators team needed Timmy to step up and fucking A, he stepped the fuck up. Sure it wasn't his best performance but he did everything in his power to win that game. Axl Rose tears a girl apart for 4 minues and then for the final 2 and a half minutes, we see the sweeter (probably fake) side of Williams AXl Rose. Axl moans " Don't ever leave me, say you'll always be there" and that's how I felt about Tim Tebow on Saturday. Sure he's not fun to watch if you're not a Gators fan but as a unbiased college football fan, I implore those to put aside their biases and just watch him play. Goddamnit, it's so easy to hate the guy but he makes games so much fun to watch. Tim Tebow, you're my Rocket Queen. This whole post makes me sound like a gay, but fuck you. I dig gazongas. BIG gazongas.