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Oklahoma Will Win The National Championship Because.....

posted Jan 8, 2009, 1:38 PM by Steven Seagal   [ updated Feb 15, 2009, 12:10 PM ]

Our God is an awesome God and rains lava on the Tebow army and everything he touches, including newly circumcised Asian children. I hope Bob Stoops was taking notes while watching the Ohio State-Texas game. If you have a quarterback who creates plays with his legs when the original play falls to shit, then put ENORMOUS amounts of pressure on him. Sack him with a spiked bat, take some roughing the passer penalties, EARLY I mind you. Ohio State didn't get the memo and kept beating Colt McCoy and it ended up losing the game for them. If Oklahoma throws some all out blitzes or safety blitzes at Tebow, he'll be forced to throw the ball more often AND it'll also put a stop to this novel Florida idea of "running the ball" with their new position player called a "running back". Maybe by putting pressure on the Jesus freak, they can get the guy to toss the ball right into the hands of Dominique Franks. Great Zeus' Beard, that would be poetic. Did you know that Oklahoma led the nation in turnover margin at +23. That is a positive twenty three. If I were Bob Stoops I would be worshiping at the altar of Ole Miss for forcing turnovers on Florida. I would also like to cream them the way Ole Miss did after taking the ball away from the Gators all day.
In terms of offense, Oklahoma will win this game because they will keep the game fast paced. Stoops will run the shotgun all night long giving the Sooners twice as many plays as the GAYtors. For all these high flying-fast paced plays to work, Bradford will need to create big plays with Juaquin Iglesias. I LOVE This guy. It's almost uncomfortable for me. If Percy Harvin is Superman, then Iglesias is that bad ass super villain Nuclear Man in the movie Superman IV. What's that? No one has seen Superman IV. Oh. Well take my word for it. Iglesias is the shit of all shits. He can catch syphilis in a Tibetan monastery. He'll probably finish with 45 catches for 9740 yards. Oh and 12 TDs. Tebow is going down tonight.
Final score: Oklahoma1374 Florida 789.
I mean, come on. Look at that picture. Who wouldn't pick Oklahoma after seeing that? Probably Jesus... and the Jews... And your Mom.