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If You Don't Like The BCS, Then Please Mess With Texas

posted Dec 3, 2008, 5:29 AM by Steven Seagal   [ updated Feb 15, 2009, 12:48 PM ]

What's with people messin' with Texas? We had the Alamo. We had Ozzy Osbourne pissing on the Alamo. We had the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Although, those hippies that messed with Texas got the business end of a chainsaw, there was still plenty of messin'. Seriously, what was Leatherface supposed to do, NOT kill everyone? It's too bad he had bad luck and got his leg all torn the fuck up. But now we have Texas being messed with again. This time is the BCS that's been messin' with Texas. The Texas Longhorns beat the Oklahoma Sooners. The Sooners beat the Texas Tech Red Raiders. The Red Raiders beat the Longhorns. Oklahoma now sits ahead of both Texas Tech and Texas in the BCS standings. I know Texas Tech got throttled by Oklahoma but what about the Longhorns? Much like Leatherface in the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, the Longhorns are a victim of circumstance. On the other hand, Oklahoma had the benefit of playing well at the end of the season AND facing two highly ranked teams, both of which, they embarrassed. Texas faced Kansas and Texas A&M, both of which, suck. Voters will penalize Texas because of the tail end of their schedule. The BCS had to go messin' with Texas. Victim of circumstance, indeed.
Where am I going with this? I'll tell you where. Texas should secede from the union. It's been fucked with all the time. They can support themselves. The residents probably all have firearms already so there's the Texas military. I've seen No Country for Old Men. I've seen the Devils' Rejects. Texas is a crazy place. It wouldn't even surprise anyone. This sort of reactionary behavior towards the BCS would force the hand of Barry Obama.  He couldn't let a state leave the union because it's been messed with time and time again. Big government would step in and wreck shit in BCS land, thus leading to a playoff system. So there you go, I just solved the BCS conundrum. You're welcome. Now pay me a million dollars.