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Florida Will Win The National Champsionship Because.....

posted Jan 8, 2009, 11:19 AM by Steven Seagal   [ updated Feb 15, 2009, 12:11 PM ]

Life sucks and no one wants Florida to win except ESPN and maybe Jesus (although he might be Faggot). The game starts and ends with Tebow. When he is angry and he is angry, thank you very much Dominique Franks, Timmy boy takes the game into his own hands and just wins, baby. He's Brett Favre Junior out there. He's just having fun, but damnit  it all to hell, he's having fun by making his team win football games. The announcers will make similar arguments all night forcing you wonder what it feels like to eat a chainsaw.
Percy Harvin isn't as injured as everyone PERCYves him to be (I'm a genius with this fucking language). When that offensive line give Tebow some extra time, Harvin is booking it down the field and catching that pigskin that the Favre Junior is tossing him. I can see Urban Meyer calling a couple of plays this game where he has Tebow chuck the ball deep to Harvin in an attempt to put Florida ahead by a few scores. Every coach tries this shit in a big game for two reasons 1) Because he's an ego maniac and wants to demoralize the opponent and 2) Because he's an ego maniac and wants to demoralize any team watching the game who believes they are the true number 1 team in the country. Point no. 2 never works because people always find a reason to bitch.
A few years ago, there was talk of a running game at Florida but no one believed such rubbish. Who needs a running back when Tebow won't hand off to one and runs the ball himself? Well times have changed. Florida has no not one, but TWO running backs in Jeff Demps and Chis "Make it" Rainy. I just made up that nickname! Isn't it just MINT? No? Fuck you then. This offense isn't only Tebow. That's the reason why the Gators outscored every team they faced in the last half of the season by an average of 423 points. But enough about offense.
Florida Linebacker Brandon Spikes recently said that offenses sell tickets but defenses win championships. Who would have that a native of Shelby, North Carolina could construct such a fundamentally sound argument without the use of adderall and a tutor? Not me. But damnit, Spikes is right. This Florida defensive line put a hurtin' on then number one Alabama a few weeks back, a offense which everyone loved to fellate. Florida has also faced some of the toughest defenses in the country in their conference. Oklahoma on the other hand? Not so much. I'm not even sure if Oklahoma played defense the last few games. I'm not saying the Big 12 holds a bunch of defensive pussies, but Florida has had better practice against stouter defenses.
So because Florida has a better defense based on conference strength and their ability to dominate teams on the offensive side of the ball, Florida will win this game. For the sake of being a dick, I'll predict the final score as, let me think for a second, How about Florida 645 Oklahoma 567? I thought that sounded good too.