eHarmony - Little Tykes Edition

posted Feb 18, 2009, 4:18 AM by Steven Seagal   [ updated Feb 18, 2009, 2:26 PM ]
A few months ago, we here at eHarmony announced our Compatible Partners sister site (get it?) for homosexual couples seeking matches based on the same proven eHarmony Matching system we developed for heterosexual couples.  Today, we announce a new initiative, call it a son site (again, get it?) for those adult males seeking a meaningful romantic connection with small children.  We have selected Red Sox MVP Second Baseman Dustin Pedroia, a man who, in his own words, "knows a little bit about pedophilia - from both points of view" as our official spokesman.

"My brother Brett and I were lucky to have Uncle Frank to enter into a long term, committed cycle of abuse with.  But some children aren't so lucky, and are stuck perusing chat rooms looking for interesting older men for experiences that eventually turn out to be fleeting and unsatisfying.  eHarmony - Little Tykes Edition is geared towards those children and middle aged men looking for the type of committed, long term relationships like the one that shaped me into the MVP 2nd Baseman I am today.  Not everyone has an Uncle Frank, but now, thanks to eHarmony - Little Tykes Edition, that won't stop them from being consistently molested on a long term basis by the same strange man."

-Dustin Pedroia