A Call To Arms

posted Apr 17, 2009, 9:58 AM by Steven Seagal   [ updated Apr 20, 2009, 9:02 AM ]

I thirst for the blood of the enemies of Metal that have obtained a stranglehold on my homeland - New York City.  I cannot abide the enemies of Metal any longer, and I am issuing this Call to Arms to the thousands of Brothers of True Metal who are scattered throughout this city, searching for a home and a leader.  You must answer this call - we will do all we can to provide the home, but the leadership must come from you. 
I now issue the call,
Are you ready to fight?
Fight all together,
as one for the right,
to be free once again!
Tonight we will win!
My dream is to provide a stronghold in New York City, where the Brothers of True Metal will remain forever until our kingdom is won.  It will be a Hall where wimps, posers, and hipsters are eviscerated at the door.  Their blood will run in rivers across the floor and we will bathe in it as we drink to the power, the sound, and our Brothers of Metal - who are never to fall.  This will be the home for which we Defenders of Steel have long been waiting.
What is your role in all of this?  First of all, you will stock the jukebox.  We will start with the complete Manowar discography and various other Magic Circle bands, and add any and all other bands you choose.  Secondly, we don't have much money.  You will finance the building and any major renovations that must be completed.  We will provide all manpower to run and maintain the Hall once it is in place, at no cost to you.  You will receive a percentage of the profits for all alcohol sales, as well as all of the profits for all Manowar memorabilia sold.  Finally, we will construct a stage for you to break both your loudest and longest concert records simultaneously by playing for 6 hours uninterrupted at 150 decibals.
Our armies in England, Ireland, Scotland and Wales
Our brothers in Belgium, Holland and France
Will not fail
Denmark, Sweden, Norway, Finland, Italy
Switzerland, Austria
Back to the glory of Germany
What about your armies in New York?  You have been fighting the battle abroad for many years.  Back home here in New York, the Brotherhood of Metal is scattered and fractured - wandering in the desert - but we are thousands strong.  Don't negelct us.  We long to wet our steel with the blood of hipsters and unbelievers.  We will rape their women as they cry.  We will look into their eyes as we cleanse them of their lies with the purity of our steel.  We will laugh as we drink their blood and piss on their graves.  We will kill their servants and burn their homes until there is no blood left to spill. 
New York City will feel our wrath.  Unite us and claim your rightful throne.
Many stand against us,
but they will never win.
We said we would return,
and here we are again!
To bring them all destruction,
suffering and pain,
We are the hammer of the gods
We are thunder, wind, and rain!
Fulfill your prophesy.  Return home to lead us.  Your Brotherhood awaits.
-Steven Seagal
Note to our readers:  This story has been submitted to the Ultimate MANOWAR Fan Contest.  We don't know how to do anything but win, so we'll see you in Germany at the Magic Circle Festival III.